Snow Day

Up here in the Northeast I have become to know something rather intimately.  A male?  No, not at all.  It's called snow.  And it's everywhere.  In heaps.  

Generally, you get some kind of warning when a big storm is about to hit.  Last Wednesday, I had that warning yet received no phone call telling me not to come in to work.  I was supposed to close the restaurant that night but since the storm was supposed to hit at 6pm and my check-in time for work was also 6pm - I figured I did not have to work that night.  Boy, was I wrong.  I begrudgingly made my way to work as the little flurries fell to the ground.  I turn into the shopping center where TRH is and all the other eateries in the shopping center were already closed.  I made my way to the back where TRH is located and saw several cars in the front.  Looks like we are opened for business.  I am there really early so I tell them not to seat me so I can sit down because at this point - I'm still fighting a cold.  However, I look over to my section to see a table already waiting for me.  Assholes.

It's a bunch of pain in the ass Asians.  Fantastic.  People kept on coming into the door because we were the only place open.  Oh, and these people were obviously nuts.  Who goes out during a blizzard?  Apparently, hundreds of people.  

We stayed pretty steady for a bit.  Our GM didn't want to close early because he wanted to beat the other TRH restaurants in sales.   What a tool bag.  Who puts money before the safety of there co-workers?  

I got a table who left me $5 on an $80 tab.  Nothing wrong with the service other than me constantly looking lost (what's new?).  At this point, I am crying and laughing hysterically at the same time.  I cannot BELIEVE that we are working whilst snow is blowing down from the sky at 20 miles per hour.  I am shocked.

My co-workers are asking me if I am ok as I sob and giggle around the restaurant.  

It's going to be a long night.  

Finally, he decides to close at 8pm.  Fantastic.  The storm has been going on for two hours now.  Just enough snow on the ground to really cause a major accident.  My gay Christian and I are the serving closers with my manager friend Jen closing as well.  We decide to not fight the snow and just get a hotel room nearby.  It was the safest idea.  Thoughtfully, our GM actually paid for the hotel.  Well, the restaurant paid for it anyway.

We decide to eat at Chili's and then go back to the hotel.  Chili's told us that they were guaranteed to stay open until 11pm.  We finally made our way over to Chili's around 9:30pm with massive amounts of snow around us.  Jen asks me if I have even driven in the snow before to which I screamed "NO!".

We get to Chili's and make Christian jump out to double check that they are open.  He frolics like a fairy and comes back to tell us that they had fucking closed.  I should of known it with my Chili's history.  Pepperin' bastards.

We decide on making a trek to a bar near the Quality Inn where we were staying.  Christian called it and they said they were open.  Perfect.  Now just have to make it there safely...

It was a couple roads over.  Jen told me to slow down.  Ok grandma.  I pull into the bar's parking lot but someone is coming out at the same time.  I had to stop for them because they were fucking dousche bags.  And in the midst of the stopping, I get my car stuck.  Fucking great.  

A couple plower guys were nearby and thankfully decided to help with Christian promising them beers and other favors.  Then this other trinket was coming out of the bar for a smoke and decides to 'help'. And by help, I mean give me directions that were entirely wrong and decide to yell at me about it.  I told him to shut the fuck up.  And no beers inside me yet...  I am so pleasant.

After several minutes, my car was not moving.  So plower #1 decided to give it a try.  And after a couple minutes, he manages to get it out of the heap of snow.  What a nice guy.  Even though he was missing a few teeth...

We make our way in to the bar and order drinks.  Smoker guy follows us and insists to know everything about me since I am from Texas.  He was a native Pennsylvanian Cowboys fan.  Which is unheard of up here.  Everyone is an Eagles or Steelers fan.  Oh and a sidenote, if I hear that Black & Yellow song one more time - I'm gonna barf.

The bar was not empty by any means.  The bartender looked like McLovin from Superbad with a mole on his face.   He said we could order anything that was fried.  So we got chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks and fries.  And beer.  Yup, I'm set for a while.  We had a good time eating and drinking.  Jen & I enjoyed watching Christian have his continuous dance party that no one but him was invited to.  We also listened to Britney Spear's new song 500 times.  Christian already knew half of the people in the bar so they were pretty used to him.  The other half stared for a while but eventually just got used to having a gay think he is in his own pop music video.  Jen and I kept the dancing to in our seats.  It was a lot of arm and head movements.  But sexy.

The owner/manager of the bar was a very Northern guy that came to chit chat us up every once and a while.  He proceeded to do what most people do that I encounter up here.
1. Ask why I moved up here.
2. Insist that I tell them a joke.
3.  I tell them that I don't know any jokes and they proceed to tell me that I'm not funny at all.
Blow me.  

The bar had a fun atmosphere.  Some people that worked there were playing drinking games.  One dude had a 6th finger poking out of his pinky.  And then there was Christian's gay dance party.  So that fun lasted until about 1am when we decided to leave.

We made our way to the Quality Inn but passed by both entrances.  I did not think I could get my car into either.  Great.  No plows in sight.  So I did a u-turn and went back for another pass.  It was unanimous that I give it my best shot.  So I hit the accelerator and floored it into the first entrance.  And BOOM.  Stuck in the snow for the SECOND TIME.  We were really stuck this time and no toothless plowers in sight to help.  Jen suggested that we call the police.  I said, perfect idea.  "Yes officer, can you  get my car out of the snow?  Oh, and I've been drinking."  So we skipped that idea.

Christian got out to help push.  Bless his heart.  I've never seen someone so gay try to be so manly before.  He really was giving it his all.  After some reverse/drive shift switches and wheel turns, we slowly made it down the previous car's trek in the snow.  We got about halfway when I got stuck again.  I think it was Christian's pushing that really got us out of the snow.  Even though I almost ran him over.

We got out and made our way in the deep snow to the front desk.  A well-built black man was sitting behind the desk.  His name was Lester.  Christian was in love.  He pushed his creepy-ness 200%.  He told Lester that he should be a quarterback.  I said, "Christian.  Stop pretending to know about sports.  You have no idea what a quarterback does or what sport that is."  He agreed.  After asking Lester several times to join us in our motel room, we made our way to the vending machines for a late snack.

We finally found our room on the second floor.  Christian went to the bathroom to find that the light bulb was red.  Jesus.  We really are in a classy establishment.  Are the beds waterbeds too?  Are there condoms in the Bible in the nightstand?

Jen and I ate our snacks and got ready for bed.  Christian decided to have a photography session with himself in the red light bathroom.  After 30 minutes of that, he called Lester.  He asked him to come to our room again.  Then he asked for a wake-up call.  Then Christian went back to visit Lester and get more popcorn out of the vending machines.  When he got back, he/she decided to take a shower.  So he took a 20 minutes hot shower of him just rubbing himself whilst singing Britney Spears, Nicki Minaj and Avril Lavigne.  You know.  The greats.  Meanwhile, the red light keeps shutting off because it is on a timer.  You can't have too much red light time.

After his shower, Christian decided to have another 30 minute photo session of him with his towel.  Then he came out and tried to get cozy in his bed.  He tossed and turns for hours as his sheets came off the bed.  We finally get to sleep but I wake up minutes later to Christian snoring loudly.  That kept me up for an hour or so.  So I got a great night sleep at the motel that rents by the hour.

I woke up early to Katy texting me because she got stuck in Bensalem and we were supposed to have a meeting for our second job at 9am.  Since I had not had a good sleep, I woke up and was ready to go.  Jen was not too happy about this.  

We got dressed and hit the road.  A night of two girls and one gay guy in his tighty whiteys was over.

I took them back to there car but they were both completely snowed in.  We had to wait for a plow truck to come by and get them out.  I made my way home looking at amazement at all the fucking snow.  Here are some shots of my drive home:

I tried to drive down my street but immediately got stuck.  This is what it looked like:

So I drove around for a while searching for a place to park.  By the time I found a place, Katy had arrived home as well.  I waited for her to park and we walked through the massive snow to her house.

We got there to find Bubba shoveling a way.  I looked over to the rest of the street that was virtually untouched.  My thought process?  It must be destroyed.

After handing the camera reigns to Jonathan, Katy & I got prepped for snow jumping.

I am serious.  Look at those fingers.  I look like E.T.

Before I knew it, Katy Anne had said 'GO!'.  For some reason, I was expecting a countdown...  

So I look a little unprepared.

YAY SNOW!

Some friendly snow fighting.

Then without warning, Katy tackled me.  Which is MY MOVE.  She is such a copier.

This is right before I tackled Katy.  Look at my face.  Classic determination.

And a shout out to Jonathan for his finger in the shot.  Couldn't of done it without ya.

First snow day of 2011!

This picture is for dimension reasons.  Giving you an idea of what we are dealing with.

Time for a BBQ?

View from the house!

My first snow day was a disastrous mess.  We are supposed to have another one today...  Everyone wish me good luck.  This time I'm coming prepared with clothes and such.  

Some for myself, some for Christian.

"Yes, I wear foundation.  Yes, I live with a man.  Yes, I'm a middle-aged fag.  But I know who I am, Val.  It took me twenty years to get here, and I'm not gonna let some idiot senator destroy that.  Fuck the senator, I don't give a damn what he thinks."

-Armand Goldman played by Robin Williams in The Birdcage