The worst thing happened to me last Tuesday night. I left my beloved Blackberry at a restaurant and someone stole it. You might just say, "Lauren, it is JUST a cell phone." And to that I respond with a big FUCK YOU. My Blackberry was my everything. Contacts, addresses, e-mails, facebook, internet, calender, appointments, pictures, videos and bbm'ing (blackberry messenger). I'll work out a little equation for you. My blackberry = my life.
Tuesday night I met my friend Jen at TRH in Bensalem for drinks and food. After that we hit up a bar for a couple more drinks. When Katy got done working out, we met her at a diner in Bensalem for some more food. I was showing Katy some text messages and left my phone on the table (like I usually do) to constantly check the time (because I'm a huge freak). I got up to use the restroom and took my purse with me. However, I left my Blackberry at the table. When I got back, everyone had got up from the table so I proceeded to follow them to the door. I had to take Jen back to her car, so I put my purse in the back seat which is something I usually don't do. I made my way back home to Glenside and did not realize I had left my phone until I had gotten home. I bombarded a nude Katy in her bedroom for some cellular assistance. She called the diner and they said that they had not found a cell phone. She called my cell phone several times but it just kept ringing. Then all of the sudden, it went straight to voicemail. I definitely had plenty of battery so I knew someone had taken it and turned it off. I called AT&T and got my phone disconnected. Then I panicked because my checking account number was on my phone (like I said, my life was on that phone) so I called Bank of America. Talked to a dude and he reassured me that they couldn't do anything with my checking account number unless they had the routing number as well. Whew. It's a reliever that no one will be able to steal the whopping $50 I have in my life savings right now.
There was nothing left to do so Katy went to bed. I got ready for bed and spent the majority of the night tossing and turning. And crying. Yes, crying over a cell phone. I'm pathetic. But let's face it, I don't have a lot going on these days.
I got up the next morning to go visit the diner. I got there and asked the lady at the front if anyone turned in a cell phone. She responding with yelling "WHAT?" at me in a foreign accent. Perfect. I repeated my statement and she shook her head and looked through a couple nearby drawers. Great, thanks for the assistance. I stopped by a nearby AT&T store and asked the salesman for my options. He told me that I didn't have an upgrade until August so he issued me a new SIM card and told me to go purchase a cheap 'GO' phone. So I traveled to Wal-Mart where I viewed my three options. One for $20, one for $50 and one for $100. Minus the price difference, they all looked like pieces of shit. So I opted for the $20 one which actually turned out to be $15. Score. My new P.O.S. phone reminds me of the old, old cell phones. It's like the Zach Morris phone. Only, not quite that big.
My new shitty phone reminds me of my first cell phone. It got me thinking and reflecting about all my past cell phones throughout the years.
The winners. The losers.
First phone:
Just kidding. Can you imagine carrying this around? Where do you even attach it on your belt?
My first phone (really):
I really had this blue cover too. I told my dad my sophomore year of high school that we should get cell phones. He said "Ok". That was pretty much my dads response to anything I ever wanted. I used to be really spoiled. Can you believe that? My mother was not interested in a cell phone so dad and I headed to an AT&T store in Austin. We decided on Nokia because most of my friends had Nokia.
Cause I'm a follower.
I had to have a 101 teaching course with my dad on how to use his cell phone. Only this course is ongoing (10 years going). He is too stubborn to learn how to do anything on his own. To this day, he can barely turn his cell phone on and off. He can make/receive calls and check his voicemail. That is it. However, one up from my mother. She doesn't know how to check her voicemail. So her voicemail box has been full since 2003.
My first phone got the job done. One day I was hanging out in the sophomore hall after lunch. Yes, my high school had designated halls for sophomores, juniors and seniors. Designated not by the school. But by cool people like myself. I left my phone in the hallway. When I went back later to retrieve it, it was long gone. My first cell phone and my Blackberry are the only ones I have ever left/stolen/lost. I lived without this one. I'll keep you posted if I continue with live without my Blackberry.
Second phone:
My friend Danielle had this phone, so I had to have it. Like I said, I'm a follower. It was really expensive for phones during that time. But I wanted it so I got it (spoiled, God I miss getting whatever I wanted). This phone still rocked the black/white background. It was really small and I liked it. However, one day it just stopped working. So on to the next phone.
Third phone:
Again with the Nokia, I was obsessed with them apparently. This was the first color background I got and was one of the first out of my friends to get it. I'll do anything to get ahead.
Both sides of the phone were plastic and you could remove them to put your own cover inside it:
You could buy one like these or design one yourself. I thought it was really cool to design one myself. I think the first one I made was my name covered in rainbow colors. It wasn't until later in life when I realized that symbol made me appear to be a huge lesbian. I guess that is why no guys wanted to date me in high school. Well, one of the reasons anyway.
After my rainbow Lauren one got water inside it and ruined, I made another cover. This was around the time when I decided to go to Texas A&M. So I put maroon stickers on there that said 'Texas A&M' with my graduation year - 2008 - also on there. I thought I was really cool.
I was.
Kinda.
Fourth phone:
One day my friend Hilary got a new Motorola flip phone. Well, I wanted that one too. Flip phones were coming into style and I liked the idea of it. So I got one.
Every time I flipped the phone open, I felt invincible. But apparently I flipped it a little too much...
My friend Heather is going to love this picture. As you can see, my phone is hanging in two pieces. We were on our Senior Spring Break trip in Port Aransas. This trip was a nightmare for me. Not only did my phone break in half, my Tahoe was one of the cars we took down to the coast and it so happened to break down in Port A. Thank goodness my friend Kyle was able to fix it. But he didn't have the chops to fix my cell phone. After a day or so of it hanging by a cord, it finally broke into two pieces.
Piece of shit flip phone.
Fifth phone:
After my bad flip phone experience with Motorola, it was back to Nokia. My dad also got this phone with me (his second phone). It was another 101 session on teaching him how to use this phone. So that took a couple years.
I had this phone for the longest. I had it my senior year of high school and my first three years of college. It was a good durable phone and I put it threw a lot. I had many good times with it.
Sixth phone:
I switched back to Motorola because I fell in love with how skinny this phone was. It was the perfect back-pocket size. Most of you might think this was the Motorola Sliver. In actuality, it was the cheap Sliver version. I had this phone for a while and began to realize this when I could no longer see the writing on the number pad...
I got a lot of guy's numbers with this phone. Well, at least two guys that I can remember.
BOOM.
Seventh phone:
iPhone's were coming into existence and the touch screen was the new thing. I had to get involved in that. Somehow. Some way. So I got this bad boy - the LG VU.
Biggest. Piece. of. Shit. Ever.
I would go to hit 'Media Net' and it would choose 'Games'. Cute.
After a couple years with this phone, I was available for an upgrade. And I wanted to go big. I saved up and purchased myself a boyfriend. No, not a hooker. But a Blackberry.
Eighth phone:
The Blackberry Curve was amazing. Blackberry had 86'd the ball and replaced it with with the micropad. It was my very own mini-computer and organizer. Everything I could possibly have wanted was one touch away. Perfection.
See how sexy my Blackberry made me?
And how ugly it made Bari?
Then hell happened last Tuesday and I was forced into a deep depression. They don't call it a 'crackberry' for nothing. I was addicted to it. This past week I have gone through serious withdrawals. Shakes. sweats. Vomiting.
Pain.
My forced Ninth phone:
First of all, it looks like a fucking space station. It takes me 20 minutes to type out a text message. I never know when it is ringing because I cannot hear it. It is hideous.
My new thing at work is to walk through the alley in the kitchen with my phone in the air asking "DOES ANYONE NEED TO MAKE A CALL???!!!!!"
Some people laugh but most of my co-workers just look at me confused. My friend Matthew told me it reminded him of Romy & Michele's High School Reunion:
"Hey, if anyone needs to make a call, I've got a phone!"
I got a hold of my dad and told him the devastating news. He was heartbroken for me. I told him it was the first phone that I have left somewhere since high school. He proceeded to argue with me that we didn't get our first cell phones in high school. I kept reassuring him that it was and he kept repeating, "ARE YOU SHITTING ME?" No, dad. I'm not 'shitting' you.
After we had that mini-argument, he proceeded to tell me that he thought he should get the FBI involved in the loss of my Blackberry. Sadly, he was half serious. I reassured him that the FBI probably have better things to do with there time.
In high school at the condos where my dad and I lived after my parents divorced, my dad walked out early in the morning to find several of our cars vandalized. The front window shields were bashed in by a sledgehammer. He came upstairs to wake me up to tell me and then he called the police. This being a month or so after 9/11, my father insisted that Osama bin Laden was to blame. He thought that bin Laden was taking out our transportation systems so we would be defenseless in our homes. I told him that was ridiculous. However, that did not stop him from telling the police officer his theory. Several times.
Turns out a neighbors boyfriend got pissed at his girlfriend and decided to take it out on all of our vehicles. His name was not Osama bin Laden.
My dad is so sweet and really felt for my loss. I don't think you can say that about many dads.
I asked around to my fellow Blackberry friends begging to buy there old Blackberry's. So hopefully I won't have to deal with this Samsung space station much longer. It looks like a tiny vibrator.
Pray for me and my sanity.
"Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them."
-Bud Fox played by Charlie Sheen in Wall Street
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