The roommates and I celebrated my birthday last Friday because it was the only time Katy could get off since it was Valentines Weekend. I was super excited because I asked off from the cleaning houses job so I would actually get to sleep in for once. However, Katy asked me what time I planned on waking up. I asked her why and she replied with "just wondering" as her lips quivered. Oh fuck. I asked her what she had planned. She insisted that she had nothing planned and was "just excited to spend the day with me". I'm sure.
Later she told me that she would be waking me up promptly at 8:15am. So much for sleeping in... The day came as I was resting comfortably in my bed. With no pants on. I hear a knock on my door as Katy enters with breakfast. How sweet! She made me eggs, bacon, fruit with orange juice and coffee. She even put some of the dusty fake red roses on the plate from the kitchen. How thoughtful...
She said that we needed to be ready to leave in 20 minutes so I scarfed my food and tried to get ready in a timely manner. We sprinted out the door and made our way to an unknown destination. We didn't get too far until Katy asked me if I wanted to know where we were going. I said I didn't care because I had some ideas... I figured she was taking me to get a massage (I had shaved my legs the night before in preparation - serious business) or to her server's beauty school to get my hair done. She told me that we were going to the beauty school and that I was getting my hair cut and highlights. How exciting! I really needed a new look - I have had one of the worst weeks ever. What is it with me and February? One year my truck got repossessed, cat died, boyfriend cheated on me and broke up with ME (oh, and gave me carnations for my birthday. Thank you for spending $.75 on me. Too kind.).
February. What a bitch.
Just for the record, he bought me 3 carnations. Each are $.25. In case you have not heard of the cheapest, ugliest flower on the planet.
I like to change my appearance after something terrible has happened to me. Like if I get dumped or something horrendous happens to me. In this case, I didn't get dumped but shit definitely hit the fan. So Katy knew exactly what I needed. A make-over.
I have never been to a beauty school before so I was very interested to see the layout. And to talk shit about all the students there. I don't know them but I people watch and judge. Amber (the lovely lady that works two jobs just to pay for beauty school including Texas Roadhouse) got straight to work on me. We started with the highlights of course.
Scared?
During this highlighting session, Amber asked me how much I wanted to cut off. I told her to cut off whatever she thought would take for my hair to be healthy again. She at first said two inches. Then three. Then was like - fuck, lets do four. Understandable since I usually get my hair cut every two years...
The atmosphere of the salon was interesting. Lost of different students there - mostly female but there were a couple males walking around. One even had a tattoo on his face. He reminded me of Johnny Depp from Cry-Baby. Except gayer.
The students had to buy four different wigs that they would put on mannequin heads. No bodies. Just heads. Which makes sense but is just bizarre to look at. People carrying around just heads everywhere. Washing there hair, blow drying and styling them. It was like a beauty school horror movie.
During this time of resting-in-the-foils, Amber told me that they have to give hand massages. I laughed until I realized that she was serious. So she stood there looking lovingly into my eyes while she massaged my hands. Right. Then, left.
Poor Amber. If I find any sense of a potential awkward moment, I therefore like to push it to the max - 5,000 times more awkward. I like to crank the amp to 11. I would not let her let go of my hands or stop staring at me. I apologize Amber.
Amber and I were just talking when all of the sudden a terrible smell came into my nose. I was like "what in holy hell is that smell?!?" Amber replied calmly with, "Oh, it's just a perm". I was shocked and insisted that people did not get perms anymore. The last person to have a perm was me in 1994.
Well, she was correct. Holy perm. I guess it is ok if old ladies get it...
No, it's still not.
We tried to bring our concentration back to the highlights. Red hair takes forever to dye/highlight. It's a bitch. So it took an extra long time. Amber had to bring out the big guns.
Yup. That's my hair with a shower cap mushroomed on top of it. Sexy?
Even in a beauty salon, I'm still getting stared at awkwardly. Oh well, I'm used to it. After almost two hours, it was finally time to take the foils out. We made our way to the sinks so Amber could wash the bleach out and shampoo/tone my hair. She had to let the tone sit for a couple minutes so she walked off. I took that as an opportunity to catch some Z's. She came back and called me out on it. So what, who cares. I'm tired.
After the hair was washed, it was cut time. Amber got her scissors out and proceeded to chop my hair off. She had to crank the chair all the way up to even reach the bottom of my hair. So I was sitting awkwardly, two feet above everyone in the room. Surrounded by mannequin heads. Amber said, "You realize your hair is at your butt right?" I was like ya, stripper hair. Time to go. She chopped it off and then asked if I wanted anything else. I decided to get crazy and ask her to cut me some swoopy bangs. I had planned on cutting my own bangs anyway that day so it was better that a professional did it.
I love the finished product and am so thankful for Katy's wonderful birthday present. Amber did an amazing job! Now I am ready to be super sassy for the evening's festivities. Stay tuned for the sloppy action...
"Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair."
-Annelle Dupuy Desoto played by Daryl Hannah in Steal Magnolias
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