2011 Oscars

It is time for the major event - the 83rd Annual Academy Awards.  This year I decided to change it up.  Instead of watching it by myself, I made plans to watch it with my gay Cristian and one of his friends that he refers to as 'Rita' (real name Ron).  I headed to Ron's house with my open case of Miller Light (I consistently keep it classy).  My friend Eli was headed to an Oscar party that he had invited to me to that I had to regrettably declined since I live a couple time zones west of him.  They have a betting pool at this mansion Oscar party which I entered with him.  I'm assuming we didn't win because I have yet to hear from him.  But I got 14 out of 24.  That's pretty good, right?  And I only missed the silly categories like short animation and best documentary so I feel pretty good about my picks.

The hosts this year were Anne Hathaway and James Franco.  While Anne was bubbly and charismatic, James on the other hand looked like he had hit the bong too hard before the performance.  Which is super upsetting because I absolutely LOVE me some Franco.  I guess it proves that James cannot do everything...  Movies, television, graduate school, teaching classes, washing cars & General Hospital stints.

The ceremony began with a pre-taped video of Anne & James' 'trip' to the Oscars.  The theme was the movie Inception where Anne & James got stuck in Alec Baldwin's dream (Alec's dream superbly narrated by Morgan Freeman).  Going through each dream in a dream (if confused - watch Inception), they hopped through some of the movies nominated for Best Picture.  My favorite part was when James shouted at a True Grit Jeff Bridges - "I loved you in Tron".

As the intro video ends, the screen now focused on the real award ceremony as James & Anne made there entrance onto the stage.  Meanwhile, James is video taping the crowd from his perspective.  From his iPhone.

They welcomed the crowd on a beautiful stage!  They did a quick bit with there respective families in the audience.  Anne with her mother who lovingly told her to sit up straight.  Then James' grandmother stood up and proclaimed how excited she was.  Not because her grandson was co-hosting.  But because she got to meet Marky Mark.  

Oh, Mark Wahlberg.  Good vibrations Marky.

I'm not going to go through each winner but just the highlights of the evening.  I know you are sighing with relief.  If this blog is too long for you, well...  then don't read it.

Kirk Douglas came out to present Best Supporting Actress.  His speech was slightly hard to understand but he seemed full of life.  Well, for a man that is 94.  He hit on Anne Hathaway and then made a joke about Australians and the English.  I'm sure the man in charge of the length of the telecast was like "WRAP IT UP".  After Kirk delayed opening the enveloped several times,  he finally announced the winner who was Melissa Leo from The Fighter.

Leo was still shocked even though she was the heavy favorite.  She did a lot of finger shaking and was slightly hysterical.  Especially when she dropped the F bomb.  That's right ladies and gentlemen, she made the mistake of saying Fuck.  Well, that is what the live 'delay' is for so all is forgiven.  If your awkward nipple ring thing would of popped out of that hideous dress, then we would of something to talk about.

Whoops.  I said Fuck.

After a few more awards were given out, Anne came out in a tux with some killer high heels.  She performed a song which was expected because of her debut a few years ago at the Oscars hosted by Hugh Jackman where she revealed to the world just how multi-talented she is.  Bitch.

As she was wrapping up, James came out in drag as Marilyn Monroe.  Some people call it the funniest (well, only funny) thing he did all night.  I still stand by the Tron comment.

'nuff said.

After a woman accepted an award with the sweatiest pits on the planet, my twin came out to present Best Supporting Actor.  Now some of you may laugh.  Reese Witherspoon?  Lauren's twin?  Well listen up bitches because I get told that at least 5-10 times a week at work by guests so HA.  The award went to Christian Bale who gave one of the best acceptance speeches of the night.  

Nice beard Batman.

I want to give two statements.

1.  I finally saw The Fighter and it lived up to the hype.  I literally had no nails or skin left on my fingers after the movie was done.  The acting in it is superb not only by Bale and Leo but also by Wahlberg and Amy Adams who were extraordinary.  It is a wonderful true story of the Lowell boxing Wards.

2.  An actor not too well known in the Oscar community was also nominated for Best Supporting Actor alongside Bale.  He was nominated for Winter's Bone.  Most of you know him from a little television show called Eastbound & Down.  That man is John Hawkes.  What a badass.

After many more awards were given out, a very funny man by the name of Luke Matheny won the Oscar for Best Live Action Short Film.  As he sprinted to the stage, he made the comment that he should of gotten a hair cut and thanked his mom who did craft services for the film.  Funny guy.

 Next was a funny pre-taped video centered around four films (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, The Social Network, Toy Story 3 and Twilight) that were Auto-tuned to create a music video.  I especially liked the Harry Potter one.

Then a very large Oprah Winfrey came out to present Best Documentary.  Ah fuck it, who cares.

Holy boobs.

A surprise guest Billy Crystal came out to introduce a Bob Hope remembrance.  Crystal known for his previous Oscar hosting gigs as well as Hope (well, Hope hosted a whopping 18 times back in the day). 

Best Original Song winner Randy Newman gave a hysterical acceptance speech.  It centered around him being nominated 20 times and only winning twice.  Then the ceremony shifted to the serious as Celine Dion sang Smile while the in memoriam played behind her.  Remembering some amazing filmmakers like Irvin Kershner, Dennis Hopper, Tony Curtis, Leslie Nielson and Jill Clayburgh.  Lena Horne was the last to be immortalized as Halle Berry followed to give her own personal dedication to the woman who ignited African American women's roles in films in the 30s.

Then it was time for the three main awards of the night.  Best Actress, Best Actor and Best Picture.  No surprises here.

Jeff Bridges presented a very pregnant Natalie Portman her first Oscar for Black Swan.  Her speech was sweet and sincere as she got emotional at the end thanking her family.

Sandra Bullock presented Colin Firth his first Oscar for The King's Speech.  Firth's acceptance speech was witty and cute as always.

Steven Spielberg presented Best Picture.  There was an introductory video of all the nominee's that was narrated by the literal King's Speech from the movie.  Could not of been more subtle Academy.

In summation, I think Anne did a good job hosting but was dragged down by James' squinting trying to read the que-cards and zoning out into space mantra.  The Oscar's were mostly predictable this year with no major surprises other than I thought David Fincher was going to take home Best Directing this year for The Social Network (Tom Hooper took it for the ever-dominating The King's Speech).

And on that note, 

"If I am King, where is my power?  Can I declare war?  Form a government?  Levy a tax?  No!  And yet I am the seat of all authority because they think that when I speak, I speak for them."

-King George VI played by Colin Firth in The King's Speech