Who does not love both of these comedians? Chelsea Handler is a stand-up comedian turned late night talk show host. Kathy Griffin is a stand-up comedian turned Emmy award winning reality show diva. Both still active in there stand-up tours (have seen Kathy - would LOVE to see Chelsea). I have had lots of people tell me that my comedy is similar to Chelsea's. That I should have a tiny nugget following me around.
But to be honest, I don't see it. Every time somebody tells me that I remind them of some comedian whether it be Chelsea, Amy Poehler or Tiny Fey - I first thank them tremendously because let's face it - those are some badass comedians. However, I don't see it myself. I feel like these women are on a whole different level that I am - more creative and quick witted. Maybe I shouldn't sell myself so short. I aspire one day to be just as successful as these wonderful ladies. Fingers crossed!
After finishing Handler's My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands and Grffin's memoir Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin, I have laughing pains. I should preface this by stating that Handler's book is a collection of stories whereas Griffin's is in fact - a memoir. I have yet to read Handler's Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea and Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang because a certain one of my gay's (who is hopefully reading this) has yet to let me borrow the other two! Here is a quick summary of both and what I think about these two crazy bitches.
Her book was divided into chapters that each described one of her many one night stands. There is the first difference between us. Chelsea has 5,000 times more confidence power that I could ever imagine. She describes walking up to guys and basically asking them for sex. Some might call that confidence. Others, prostitution (there was no cash exchange. That I know of.). I have NEVER done that in my life (including the prostitution). I cannot even ask for a guys number without throwing up. Pathetic? Yes. It really harbors hard on my whole "live life to the fullest" motto. That personal motto, and everyone Wang Chung tonight are motto's that I strictly abide by. In summation, I wish I had a morsel of Chelsea's confidence. After all, sex makes me nervous. This comes from years of my mother telling me that I could get pregnant from just being in the same room as a male.
One funny chapter entitled "Desperado" describes Chelsea coming home to find her boyfriend of 3 1/2 years having an Asian threesome. She talked about how much that effected her, giving her what she so-named "vagina elbow" from excessive masturbating.
One chapter that I really connected with Chelsea was entitled "Shrinky Dink". Yes. She had a one night stand with a guy with a near invisible penis. In her words, "this thing was smaller than my big toe".
Upon seeing this invisible penis during foreplay, she immediately made some excuse and left the residence. The difference between her story and mine is that she left. I DECIDED TO DATE THIS PERSON FOR TWO MONTHS. Good God it was terrible. I now have a zero-tiny-penis-policy. If I ever come about a tiny penis again, I am going to utter no words or movements. Just immediately run away. Some people, mainly males, might be offended by this. Face it. I have no time for that shit in my life. Live Life to the Fullest. With NO tiny dicks.
In Chapter "Don't Believe a Word I Say", she was waiting tables and waited on a guy that she was dating. Well, waited on him and his girlfriend. Sounds like something that would happen to me. However, Chelsea decided it was an opportunity to practice her acting chops. She pretended to be her 'twin sister'. She told him that her sister slept around and that he should probably get tested. Classic.
I was immensely impressed with Kathy's memoir - basically because I learned so much about the her life that I did not know. She talks more in depth about events she is known for - her awkward moments with Barbara Walters, her marriage and talking shit about fellow celebrities (sorry Brooke Shields). However, her memoir is much more heartfelt filled with personal stories that are not widely known.
She starts off her memoir with tales of her growing up, stories of her family and how she discovered comedy at a young age. Kathy had neighbors and her family that she practiced her comedy on. I find that comedians are either from really large families or are the only child. Obviously I am not from a large family so I categorize myself in the 'only child' category. Technically, I am not an only chid (shout out to my sister!) but she is almost 16 years older than me. So I spent the majority of my childhood by myself. And literally raising myself (yes, I changed my own diaper) because by that point, my parents had pretty much given up. In my mother's defense, the OJ Simpson trial WAS really riveting...
The most touching part of Kathy's book is her description of her older brother Kenny. Like my sister and I, Kenny & Kathy were several years apart. Not only were they not close but Kathy found out through sources that Kenny was a child molester. That affected Kathy and her family in various troubling ways. It was an incredible insight into Kathy's persona to learn of this and how she chose to deal with it. It was an emotional read and really let you into Kathy's personal woes.
Kathy's book also has 1 up on Chelsea. Kathy's memoir is FILLED with fucking fantastic photos of Kathy and her life thus far. Before and after plastic surgery (and including).
Then there is her move to Los Angeles and all the struggles that she had before making it big. It describes her first attending a Groundlings show (improv). She went backstage after the show and asked the funniest person she saw how to get herself to where he currently is. He was super kind and helpful, something that she has always remembered. That man was Phil Hartman.
I payed close attention to these chapters. It is really what I want to do - take improv classes. If it only weren't for that pesky money issue. Anyone out there want to finance me?
Her book describes her first work (Seinfeld) and her first big break co-staring in Suddenly Susan with Brooke Shields. Before becoming an uber Kathy fan - I watched Suddenly Susan back in the late 90s. I enjoyed the show - thought Kathy played the spunky sidekick well but I also loved all the supporting players played by Nestor Carbonell (LOST), Barbara Barrie (Barney Miller), Judd Nelson (any 80s movie) and David Strickland (Forces of Nature). This chapter also dealt with Strickland's drug ordeal and eventual suicide. Something terrible - personally witnessing someone's inner battles eventually overcome them.
She then goes on to describe in great detail (again, pictures) her highs and lows of plastic surgery. It is hard to understand someone that goes through such a traumatizing event to eventually go back and GET MORE DONE. I could never understand that. But I'll let you know how I feel about it in 10 years when my love handles are touching the ground.
Finishing the book is her rise to fame as a reality star combined with finding love and it later falling to pieces. It was hard to read about her marriage being that I am someone that has zero faith in marriage. Hopefully Kathy will find someone in the future that appreciates her and won't take advantage of her celebrity. That is not Steve Wozniak.
In summation, without reading Chelsea's other books, I'm team Kathy on this one. But again, Kathy's was a MEMOIR so it was not only fucking hilarious - but incredibly emotional and touching as well. However, Chelsea's was a fucking hoot and I cannot wait to read her other books (ATTENTION MATTHEW).
Yup, Kathy was in Pulp Fiction (she also dated Quentin Tarantino):
"I'm prepared to scour the Earth for that motherfucker. If Butch goes to Indochina, I want a nigger waiting in a bowl of rice ready to pop a cap in his ass."
-Marsellus Wallace played by Ving Rhames in Pulp Fiction
No comments:
Post a Comment