What the Fuck is that Smell

Why hello LA LA LOVERS.  Yup, thats what I'm officially calling you.  Your like Little Monsters (Lady GaGa followers), Claymates (Clay Aiken followers) or Biebliebers (Justin Bieber followers).  There are only minor differences such as I don't sing professionally.  And I'm not gay.  Or appear to be a 17 year old female lesbian (sorry Bieber, it's the hair).

(*Note: Lesbian.  Not Justin Bieber.)

Things have been trucking along.  Having some doubts lately about my headshots and what I should do to move forward.  Since I no longer physically look like my headshots (hair change), I need to get new ones photographed since I plan on keeping my hair this way for a while.  Apparently, it is a big no-no in the business to have a headshot and not look like it.  I think I'll do them at the end of March before I go to Texas so I will have my hair freshly re-highlighted for Bari's wedding.

On a lighter note, the cleaning houses thing is trucking along.  However, I went to a new house last week that I had many issues with.  Have you ever walked in somewhere new and immediately thought in your head, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL?!?"

This house was a fucking zoo.  Not only did they have 2 large dogs (immediate heightened anxiety from my large dog phobia), they had 3 cats (1 of them hairless, almost threw-up looking at it) and several FUCKING BIRDS.

The combined smell of bird shit and cat pee was enough to immediately make anyone start vomiting.  Since I have a very sensitive nose, it was hard to hide my disgust.  And of course, the owners of the house were weirdos as well.

Luckily I had a partner so the cleaning itself wasn't too bad.  I had bathroom duty so I went upstairs to start but the upstairs bathroom was not used very often.  Mainly because the toilet did not work and there was not a shower curtain.  Both bathrooms were sporting pink porcelain (toilets, sinks & bath tubs).  First of all, YUCK.  Note to owners - you are not in a 70s orgy film.

I only spent 5 minutes on that useless bathroom before I headed downstairs to the only used bathroom.  The house was an 'initial clean' which means it had never been cleaned before.  So cleaning a bathroom for the first time means major yuckage.  Lets just say with the hair consistency, you could form a long wig.  And not the kind you want to wear...  Ever.

Also, houses with kids and bathrooms is always fun.  Most of the time, these kids are in potty training.  And when they are boys, it is no fun.  Moms - you know what I'm talking about.  Others, let me put it into words you can understand.  Little boys aim into the toilet - not so good.  Good God is this my life?

The dining room was cluttered to say the least.  The dining room table was filled with three separate houses.  For the cats.  Cat houses.

WHY GOD, WHYYYYYY?????????

The owner made us save the kitchen for last because that is where he locked the dogs up.  Now if you know me, you know of my phobia of large dogs and escalators.  No escalators in this house but 2 very large dogs; one of which was a german shepherd.  It did not actually look like this but to me it did:

All large dogs appear like this to me.  So not only did this place smell like bird shit and cat pee.  Now you can add the shit-in-my-pants to that smell.  Perfect.

After the owner took the dogs, we got to work on the kitchen.  They had enough baby bottles to feed a small Third World country.  And they might of actually been doing that.  I cannot say that for sure.  

You never know with Asians.  They're sneaky.

With the kitchen came more litter boxes.  Ugh, kill me now.  Luckily my years as a cat lady well prepared me for that smell.  The kitchen took some time but I listened to my Bone Thugs-n-Harmony and Sisqo as I scrubbed away.

After two hours, we were finally done.  The house was clean but there is no hope for that smell.  That house is going to have to be burned down.  At least they keep the birds in there cages.  Before my family moved to Austin, our new house was filled with renters.  When my mom went to clean it up (I was off away at camp -luckily), they apparently let there birds fly free throughout the house.  There was bird shit EVERYWHERE.  Especially in the high, hard to reach places.  So things could of been worse I suppose.

"We got no food, no jobs.. our PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!"

-Lloyd Christmas played by Jim Carrey in Dumb & Dumber