NYC Christmas

I know this is a bit out of order but I totally forgot to blog about it.  Its a combination of me being senile and, well, senile.  It's Katy & my trip to New York City on December 8th!  I have always wanted to see New York City during Christmas time and this was my chance.  Katy and I got up early and drove to the train station in Princeton.  We found a parking spot where I proceeded to hit the car parked next to us.  Perfect way to start out the day.  Katy was freaking out with hand covering her mouth and I told her to stop because she was freaking me out.  I got out and looked at the cars.  I barely touched it and there was no damage to either car.  Thank goodness.  After I tried to use the restroom in the convenience store (don't ask), we hopped the train to NYC.  I have ridden the train several times now.  But my heightened anxiety is still at a 200%.  I am constantly paranoid that we are going to miss our stop.  I can't help it.  I'm a freak.

We got to the Penn Station stop and hopped off.  We made our stop.  Whew.  We walked out to Madison Square Garden.  Fantasia was playing there that night.  I'll pass.  We walked to Rockefeller Center, passing Radio City Music Hall and made it to 30 Rock to see the tree and skating rink.  Some nice cop offered to take our picture:

Yes, She wore those ear muffs all day.

We then walked over to the skating rink to people watch.  Here we spotted Michelle Kwan:

Well, not Michelle Kwan but an Asian lady who thought she was an Olympic skater.  She was in her own world.  Doing spins and lots of arm movements.  Katy and I watched her for 10 minutes.  Literally.  

We then walked the line of shops where we did a lot of window shopping.  

Here is a cool view of the tree:

I got pretty annoyed taking these shots.  I wanted the perfect shot.  And people (bitches) kept getting in my way.  Like this whore to the left.  I ended up getting really annoyed and stomping off.  Katy kept yelling at me that she would take my picture with no other hoes in it.  But I made a scene and walked off, leaving her.  She finally caught up to me and told me I was ridiculous.  I know I'm a stubborn bitch.  Wonder where I get that from...  Thanks mom.

We then made our way to FAO Schwartz.  I wanted to get something for my niece for Christmas.  All the nice high-end stores were decorated super cute.

Huge red bow hugging Cartier.

We also went into Tiffany's.  I pretended I was Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama while Katy looked around at the jewels.  We immediately went to the second floor.  The Engagement Ring Level.  Where I made a point to look at every fucking ring in that room.  I picked my top favorites and made sure Katy knew what I wanted.  Here are my two rules about my future engagement.  First, it's funny of me to even have these rules because I know I probably never will get married.  That's why these rules are so ridiculous.  Rule #1.  The ring has to be larger than 3 carats or you shouldn't be asking me.  Rule #2.  If you don't know what I want in an engagement ring, then you definitely should not be asking.  So get away from me.  

The fifth floor of Tiffany's was the office part of the building.  Katy was intrigued and wanted to go there, just to see what happens.  She asked a worker and he recommended against our idea.  So we decided to head back downstairs and out of there before I started crying hysterically.

We made it to FAO Schwartz where we headed towards the escalator to go upstairs.  Fucking escalators.  I'm such a nervous wreck on them.  Anyway, to the left of the top of the escalator is the Harry Potter section.  We were going to take a ridiculous pic and send it to Keri to remind her of our Harry Potter 2010 trip the previous month.  However, when we get there this dude goes "Can I get a volunteer?"  And before I knew it, Katy's hand shot up.  A crowd of people started to gather.  He put a tie around her neck and said he was going to do an experiment.

He put the Griffindor tie around her neck and rolled it up, putting each side under her chin where she had to hold it.  He made a lot of gay jokes in between doing this.  I guess to keep the crowd entertained.  If Katy had not of been the volunteer, it would of made me head straight for the Star Wars collection.  

Here is a better view of what was happening.

He asked the crowd and Katy - which side of the tie (the larger or smaller side) would fall faster.  Everyone made there bets.  He told Katy to release her neck and then he quickly announced "It's a tie".  

Gay.

Thank you for wasting 10 minutes of my life.

As the crowd dispersed moaning, I made Katy take our cool Harry Potter picture:

Yup, I'm wearing the Quidditch helmet hat.  SHOUT OUT TO KERI!!!

Griffindor is #1.  I'm Ron.  But with long hair.  And I'm a girl.

After I made my purchase for Cate (I got her a stuffed polar bear so she could have a Poley of her own), we made our way to Central Park to eat our lunch we packed.  We initially wanted to take a carriage ride around Central Park while we ate our lunches.  I had one request.  Our 'driver' had to be wearing a top hat and he had to look like Kenny Rogers.  It turns out we had a couple of choices.  However, they wanted us to pay like $40ish to ride.  We said 'no thanks' and walked into the park.  Our lunch consisted of ham sandwiches, yogurt, and apples (which I could not eat cause of my fake teeth).  I looked up and saw this strange couple turning the corner:

I said "Quick Katy! Elmo and Big Bird are on the loose!"  I made her sprint with me to catch up to them.  No one was with them.  They were just strolling through Central Park.  Someone from Sesame Street must of let them out of their respective cages.

They almost seemed despondent and lonely.  They weren't talking to each other or noticing anyone around them.  They were just walking along the path.  Angry, terrified, sad and alone.  Stay away from razors and nooses.

LOVE

We sat down at a bench and ate our lunch.  However, it was FREEZING.  The wind in NYC made is so much more chilly and miserable.  We ate our lunch quick and headed towards Macy's.  We made a stop inside The Plaza because neither of us had actually been inside of it before.  I wanted to ask the front desk where the homage to Home Alone 2: Lost in New York was.  But decided that I did not want to get kicked out.  

Here is the tree in the front lobby.  

The lobby area.  I cannot wait to have my own house with ridiculous chandeliers.  Gorgeous.  I wish to some day to actually stay at The Plaza.  Maybe when I finally break down and realize that my relationships are worthless and go the sugar-daddy route.  Fingers crossed.

We went downstairs to check out the shopping area.  Another escalator.  Frick frick.  The downstairs was filled with designer shops, a restaurant and coffee shop.  After we realized we couldn't afford anything there, we made our way back upstairs to the exit.  Back to the freezing weather.  We walked to Macy's.  There were lots of weirdos outside of Macy's.  One Queen stopped us and asked us how long we were going to be in NYC because my hair was fabulous.  I told him/her only for a couple more hours.  He said he was a stylist and wanted to do my hair.  He called us fabulous and went for his next victim.  Queens only want me for my hair.

The windows of Macy's were filled with a different Christmas story that moved and made noises.  It was really cool but too many people were standing around and it made me nervous.  So, I quickly went inside.

The inside of Macy's was gorgeous!  I wish I could of done some real shopping but being destitute makes that an obstacle.  We went upstairs to the women's section.  Escalator again.  DAMMIT.

After some looking around, we found a couch to take a much needed break on.  Three older ladies were trying on ridiculous things and asking each other their thoughts.  And by ridiculous, I mean cashmere sweaters with beads on them.  Old lady style.  It seemed a good time for me to have a panic attack, so I had one.  Poor Katy just sat there listening to me talk about how I'm so stressed and poor.  She is so sweet to listen and give me advice/reassurance.  I don't know what I would do without her.  I wish I wasn't such an emotional wreck all the time but it's embedded in my blood.  So after a 30-45 minute break of me crying on and off, we decided to hit the road again.  

We made our way to Bryant Park to check out the shops and tree.

The park was cute with different shops.  I made the comment to Katy about hoping to see Heidi Klum there.  She looked at me confused and said she didn't know what the hell I was talking about.  I informed her that Bryant Park is where they film the finale of Project Runway every season (well, most seasons).  Again, me filled with useless information.

I loved that the Bryant Park tree was blue themed.  Since blue is my favorite color.  The skating rink was closed because they were cleaning it.  So no good people watching opportunities.  Or Michelle Kwan act-alikes.  No sightings of Klum either.  Or Seal.

We then made our way to NYC's Public Library because neither of us have been there before.  

Get out of my photo Asian.

They of course were cleaning it, so my pictures are not as great as I wanted them to be.

There was a group of black guys in front doing some terrible dance moves.  I quickly lost interest as Katy looked on.  No, I don't want to see your Michael Jackson impersonation during his Free Willy stage.  I'm good.

Gorgeous decorations in the Library.

Here is the staircase where Carrie found out that Mr. Big had stood her up on their wedding day.

We went upstairs to the two main library rooms.  Here is a quote on top of one of the doors that I loved:

Beautiful ceiling decor.  I could live here.

After our stay at the library, we headed to Times Square.  We found a bar where we decided to have a couple drinks.  We brainstormed our next move.  I texted my contacts (who were all at their respective work Christmas parties that night) asking them for ideas of what to do.  The Knicks weren't playing that night so that was out.  Fallon and Letterman were out since you had to get tickets months in advance.  So we decided to just drink.  So a 'couple drinks' turned into a 1000.  We ended up eating at this bar.  This family was sitting a couple tables away from us.  They had there 9 year old daughter with them.  In a bar.  She decided to turn it into a dance party.  If found myself acting like a pediphile, watching her in astonishment.  I felt bad for staring but I was starting to buzz and this family was letting their daughter frolick around this bar like she was in the movie Bring It On.  After a good 30 minutes of cheerleader dancing, her parents finally took her home.  

A couple guys were playing Golf Tee next to us.  The young one approached us and offered to buy us drinks/shots.  Yes please, buy me whatever.  I love free stuff.  

He was a true New Yorker.  Accent.  Gold chain necklace.  Facial hair.  Guido attitude.  Gel in his hair.

Perfect. 

We told him that we were from Texas and had to head back to Philly in an hour or so.  Katy proceeded to tell him that I had two warrants out for me in Texas.  One of which was for indecent exposure because I'm a recurring streaker.  And that I have a problem with keeping my clothes on.  Especially after drinking.  So he thought highly of us.

Katy and I began to take glamour shots of ourselves.  We tried to teach NY Guido about 'ugly' photos.  He didn't understand why we would try or want to take photos of us being ugly.  We said it was a Texas thing.  Here is a selection of the 20 we actually took:

I'm a big fan of biting my lip.

#1 roomie!

After we decided that we should try to be conscious to get back to Philly, we headed back to Rockefeller Center to see the tree at night.  

The building across from 30 Rock was having a light show on the building with music to match:

Not sober enough to remember to take off my glasses. 

Well it wasn't my snowy NYC Christmas that I envisioned but I had an amazing time.  So I can check this trip off my bucket list.  Thank you Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicolson.  

We headed back to Penn Station to hop on a train back to Philly.  However, we get there and all the New Jersey transit has been re-routed to one place.  The station was filled with police.  A lot of people were asking them questions and they said they could not release any information.  Katy thought it was a bomb threat.  I dropped my purse at one point and yelled "SOMEONE TAKE ME BACK TO PHILADELPHIA".  Some cops looked at me strangely.  Calm down anxiety ridden Lauren.  Don't get a PI.  There was a lot of confusion with this train mess.  One guy told a police officer how he was not fucking doing anything and to suck his dick.  I was astonished.  New York people have huge testicles.

We made our way to the central part of the station with a million other people who were trying to make their trains.  After 20 minutes, they finally told us where our train would be leaving from so we rushed to get there.  Thank goodness Katy was there.  Otherwise, I would of been an emotional wreck.  We sat by this couple who had come to the city to watch a show.  They saw Rain (The Beatles musical) and they highly recommended it.  I really want to see a show next time I'm in town.   We acted like jackasses cause we were still drunk.  They thought we were funny and ridiculous.  A guy across from us was listening in our conversation and heard that we were Aggies.  He did the "I'm sorry" spiel which never gets old.  Not.  We talked about football and how Texas had a hard time this year.  I made the comment about how I was not a Mack Brown fan into which this guy replied "Actually, Mack is a close personal friend".  I'm out.

He gave his two cents on how Mack Brown's a wonderful guy and does lots of charity work.  I asked for a trash can to vomit in.

After this guy got off, Katy got a phone call.  So I watched her not talk during this conversation for 30 minutes:

As you can see, it looks like she was asleep.  So I immediately became paranoid that we were going to miss our stop in Princeton.  I kept looking outside in panic mode.  Not gonna lie, I started to sweat.  After asking the train guy a million times when our stop was, he finally added to our humor.  I told him that Katy shoplifts and to keep an eye on her.  He asked us back to the train because apparently they are starting a new reality show about the New York/Jersey train system and he was going to be a character on it.  He thought we would be perfect on it.  Sign me up.

We finally arrived in Princeton and hopped off the train.  After being a little confused where our car was, we finally found it and made our way back to Glenside.  We made it home and hit the sack.  Operation NYC Christmas was a success.  I cannot wait to make trips to NYC more of an occurrence.   It was a wonderful trip with a fabulous roommate.  Love you Katy!

"Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours."

-Mr. Big played by Chris Noth in Sex and the City