Joaquin will be on Letterman again Sept. 22. Tune your tv's to CBS. Thanks and Gig em.
Oh and this: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/17/movies/17affleck.html?_r=3&src=tptw
Friday, September 17, 2010
Welcome to the Thunderdome, Bitch
There have been some interesting developments at the Fox. I put in my two weeks last weekend. The gas and parking is not worth driving all the way downtown for. Especially since the tips are not that great. Also, I forgot how much I hate working with mainly women. Women are toddlers. They constantly bitch about nothing. It's exhausting.
So I got another job. I'll tell you more about it once I have gone through training. It is closer and the money flow will be more consistent. I'm excited about it, I hope everything turns out for the best.
Here are a few fun stories from my short time at the Fox:
When I was going through training, I grabbed a drink from the ice/soda area. This area is also the hang out area for all the servers. I was getting ice when someone asked me, "Is that drink for you or for a table?" I said it was for me and they responded with "DON'T USE THE ICE." I was startled and just stared at her. Continuing to stare at her, I turned my glass over and emptied it, asking no questions. People were just staring at me when someone finally said, "There are worms in the ice." Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, ok. So suffice to say, I have not personally enjoyed the ice there. It reminded me of a story told to me by a friend. She was in the drive through of Taco Bell and ordered a burrito. The Taco Bell worker told her that they could not make that because their bean tube was backed up. Bean tubes and ice worms. The things you would rather not know about the food and drink you ingest.
I have met some interesting people as you can imagine. I was standing by the front door and some older guy (50s/60s) came in with a large wood piece, much like a carpenter's square, that looked like it was used in an architecture class. We paid no attention to him when he came over and said, "Can you check my wood?" Two other girls and I just stood stunned and responded with dead boner-less silence. When his joke epically failed, he just walked into the restaurant and sat himself.
I also had one of the worst tables I have ever had in my life a couple weeks ago. This guy is known by all the servers as a jackass who doesn't order hardly anything and just sits at your table for hours to watch the UFC fights. He and his 'girlfriend' arrived at 5:30 pm (they started charging the cover for the fight at 6) and sat in my section. All the servers immediately warned me about him and said to get a credit card from him to pre-authorize because he has walked out on a server before. Great. Perfect. Cannot wait. I walked over and they didn't order anything. They sat there for about 30 minutes before they ordered a cup of ice and a side of french fries. I asked for a credit card and they said they didn't have one. I asked for an ID that I could hold and they said they didn't have one. They said they had cash and I said whatever and walked off. This is going to be a long night. As I was waiting for their fucking french fries, a server who was my section buddy came over and had a story for me. She said that a neighboring table ordered drinks but she did not grab a credit card from them. My horrible table called her over and asked her why she didn't get a card from them. She told them that it is every servers right to ask for credit cards but she hadn't asked one from hers yet because they hadn't ordered food yet. The jackass then told her that I was a racist. Cool. I brought them their fucking french fries, he asked me where I had been and also told me that he complained about me. I responded with, "Cool man." I walked off. They spent the next 7-8 hours at that table ordering nothing. The 'girlfriend' kept leaving throughout this whole time to run errands. And by run errands, I mean she would leave multiple times smuggling in items such as nonalcoholic drinks. At one point, she smuggled in turkey for her boyfriend. Turkey. Like lunch meat. In a sack. I later found the empty turkey sack under the table. He didn't even bother destroying the evidence. It was like seeing a tumbleweed floating through a breeze underneath my table. After all of this, they still tried to WALK OUT WITHOUT PAYING THEIR $2.47 TAB. I caught them and he gave me a $5 and told me to keep the change. It was a bigger tip than I expected. In summation, these accusatory smuggling bastards who are repeat customers took up one of my tables for almost 8 hours leaving me some change. Only because I forced them to.
I have been having a lot of trouble with their section system. For the summer, it has been a sign-up system. That has changed since we have gotten busier as some managers are writing the sections around 3PM for the night shift. Everyone goes in at 5PM but, more than once other servers have switched me into the worst section of the restaurant before I have gotten there. I cannot stand it. That is another reason why I am leaving. There was this terrible night of people talking about me behind my back like we are in elementary school on the playground. They were wondering why the managers were putting me in better sections than them. Well it is because I am better than them. At everything. And prettier. And sexier. I also have long red hair which is better than anyone else's. To top off this night, as I was leaving the parking garage, an ambulance pulled in front of me. I was wondering what they were doing until I saw a guy dead on the side of the road. Yup, dead. He was young and did not really look homeless. It looked like he had OD'ed or it was alcohol poisoning. What a bizarre night. When I got home, I told Jonathan about my horrible night. When I told him about the dead person, his response was laughter. I thought that was very odd but to each his own.
Sundays have become really crazy. There are many Eagles fans but even more Steelers fans which is weird since we are not in Pittsburgh. However, the Fox is a Steelers bar. So they were giving a special on IC beer cans. I had no idea what this was. So I went and asked a fellow server after the Alley Rally meeting. She laughed at me and said that it was Iron City beer, a local beer from Pittsburgh. I love the idea of bars selling canned beer. Classy. So I naturally, tried to sell the shit out of it. I had one table that described it as: "It tastes like piss but it's great". IC Beer.
The girls I work with are really interesting. As much as I can't stand there bitching and immaturity, I really have grown to like a few of them. Also, I like to creep listen to their conversations because they are RIDICULOUS. Like one girl is a mirror image of Snooki, inside and out, except this girl is prettier. And taller. She has the accent, dark brown tan, and she bones any Jersey/South Philly boy that moves. She even sometimes sports the poof. I usually spend most of any shift staring at her. Another girl asked someone if milkshakes cured hangovers. She says she had heard that from her sister and it had to be true because her sister was an alcoholic. Sure, why not.
The other night I had an older guy and two other guys. They were really nice and were interested in me. One even got my blogspot address and said he would become a follower. So I'll give him a personal SHOUT OUTTTTTTTTT. The older guy turned out to be a Benjamin Franklin impersonator. With a business card. Yes, these people exist. I would love to just follow him around for a day to see his many interactions. He was a shit show to the extreme. It made my night. I'm thinking about applying to be his Abigail; but, an Abigail who has red hair, a Southern accent and sounds drunk 24/7. I've got to stretch my impersonations.
Speaking of drunk history, go to youtube and type in drunk history. There are many volumes, watch them all. Disclaimer: their is some random vomiting but it's totally worth it. Tesla was the electric Jesus. Enjoy.
This is dedicated to all the people that have told me that I am the Naomi of the workplace. I fucking hate you guys.
"I hate this fucking place sometimes, you know. Why the fuck do we need four people on at this time of day, man? Look at this place, it's fucking dead! I swear, Dan needs to clean the shit out of his fucking brain sometimes, man. Fucking asshole. What are you looking at, fuck-wad?"
-Naomi played by Alanna Ubach in Waiting...
So I got another job. I'll tell you more about it once I have gone through training. It is closer and the money flow will be more consistent. I'm excited about it, I hope everything turns out for the best.
Here are a few fun stories from my short time at the Fox:
When I was going through training, I grabbed a drink from the ice/soda area. This area is also the hang out area for all the servers. I was getting ice when someone asked me, "Is that drink for you or for a table?" I said it was for me and they responded with "DON'T USE THE ICE." I was startled and just stared at her. Continuing to stare at her, I turned my glass over and emptied it, asking no questions. People were just staring at me when someone finally said, "There are worms in the ice." Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, ok. So suffice to say, I have not personally enjoyed the ice there. It reminded me of a story told to me by a friend. She was in the drive through of Taco Bell and ordered a burrito. The Taco Bell worker told her that they could not make that because their bean tube was backed up. Bean tubes and ice worms. The things you would rather not know about the food and drink you ingest.
I have met some interesting people as you can imagine. I was standing by the front door and some older guy (50s/60s) came in with a large wood piece, much like a carpenter's square, that looked like it was used in an architecture class. We paid no attention to him when he came over and said, "Can you check my wood?" Two other girls and I just stood stunned and responded with dead boner-less silence. When his joke epically failed, he just walked into the restaurant and sat himself.
I also had one of the worst tables I have ever had in my life a couple weeks ago. This guy is known by all the servers as a jackass who doesn't order hardly anything and just sits at your table for hours to watch the UFC fights. He and his 'girlfriend' arrived at 5:30 pm (they started charging the cover for the fight at 6) and sat in my section. All the servers immediately warned me about him and said to get a credit card from him to pre-authorize because he has walked out on a server before. Great. Perfect. Cannot wait. I walked over and they didn't order anything. They sat there for about 30 minutes before they ordered a cup of ice and a side of french fries. I asked for a credit card and they said they didn't have one. I asked for an ID that I could hold and they said they didn't have one. They said they had cash and I said whatever and walked off. This is going to be a long night. As I was waiting for their fucking french fries, a server who was my section buddy came over and had a story for me. She said that a neighboring table ordered drinks but she did not grab a credit card from them. My horrible table called her over and asked her why she didn't get a card from them. She told them that it is every servers right to ask for credit cards but she hadn't asked one from hers yet because they hadn't ordered food yet. The jackass then told her that I was a racist. Cool. I brought them their fucking french fries, he asked me where I had been and also told me that he complained about me. I responded with, "Cool man." I walked off. They spent the next 7-8 hours at that table ordering nothing. The 'girlfriend' kept leaving throughout this whole time to run errands. And by run errands, I mean she would leave multiple times smuggling in items such as nonalcoholic drinks. At one point, she smuggled in turkey for her boyfriend. Turkey. Like lunch meat. In a sack. I later found the empty turkey sack under the table. He didn't even bother destroying the evidence. It was like seeing a tumbleweed floating through a breeze underneath my table. After all of this, they still tried to WALK OUT WITHOUT PAYING THEIR $2.47 TAB. I caught them and he gave me a $5 and told me to keep the change. It was a bigger tip than I expected. In summation, these accusatory smuggling bastards who are repeat customers took up one of my tables for almost 8 hours leaving me some change. Only because I forced them to.
I have been having a lot of trouble with their section system. For the summer, it has been a sign-up system. That has changed since we have gotten busier as some managers are writing the sections around 3PM for the night shift. Everyone goes in at 5PM but, more than once other servers have switched me into the worst section of the restaurant before I have gotten there. I cannot stand it. That is another reason why I am leaving. There was this terrible night of people talking about me behind my back like we are in elementary school on the playground. They were wondering why the managers were putting me in better sections than them. Well it is because I am better than them. At everything. And prettier. And sexier. I also have long red hair which is better than anyone else's. To top off this night, as I was leaving the parking garage, an ambulance pulled in front of me. I was wondering what they were doing until I saw a guy dead on the side of the road. Yup, dead. He was young and did not really look homeless. It looked like he had OD'ed or it was alcohol poisoning. What a bizarre night. When I got home, I told Jonathan about my horrible night. When I told him about the dead person, his response was laughter. I thought that was very odd but to each his own.
Sundays have become really crazy. There are many Eagles fans but even more Steelers fans which is weird since we are not in Pittsburgh. However, the Fox is a Steelers bar. So they were giving a special on IC beer cans. I had no idea what this was. So I went and asked a fellow server after the Alley Rally meeting. She laughed at me and said that it was Iron City beer, a local beer from Pittsburgh. I love the idea of bars selling canned beer. Classy. So I naturally, tried to sell the shit out of it. I had one table that described it as: "It tastes like piss but it's great". IC Beer.
The girls I work with are really interesting. As much as I can't stand there bitching and immaturity, I really have grown to like a few of them. Also, I like to creep listen to their conversations because they are RIDICULOUS. Like one girl is a mirror image of Snooki, inside and out, except this girl is prettier. And taller. She has the accent, dark brown tan, and she bones any Jersey/South Philly boy that moves. She even sometimes sports the poof. I usually spend most of any shift staring at her. Another girl asked someone if milkshakes cured hangovers. She says she had heard that from her sister and it had to be true because her sister was an alcoholic. Sure, why not.
The other night I had an older guy and two other guys. They were really nice and were interested in me. One even got my blogspot address and said he would become a follower. So I'll give him a personal SHOUT OUTTTTTTTTT. The older guy turned out to be a Benjamin Franklin impersonator. With a business card. Yes, these people exist. I would love to just follow him around for a day to see his many interactions. He was a shit show to the extreme. It made my night. I'm thinking about applying to be his Abigail; but, an Abigail who has red hair, a Southern accent and sounds drunk 24/7. I've got to stretch my impersonations.
Speaking of drunk history, go to youtube and type in drunk history. There are many volumes, watch them all. Disclaimer: their is some random vomiting but it's totally worth it. Tesla was the electric Jesus. Enjoy.
This is dedicated to all the people that have told me that I am the Naomi of the workplace. I fucking hate you guys.
"I hate this fucking place sometimes, you know. Why the fuck do we need four people on at this time of day, man? Look at this place, it's fucking dead! I swear, Dan needs to clean the shit out of his fucking brain sometimes, man. Fucking asshole. What are you looking at, fuck-wad?"
-Naomi played by Alanna Ubach in Waiting...
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Emmy's 2010
Here is my overview of the Emmy's - the ups and downs of the show and the hits and misses of fashion. The opening bit was probably the best part of the show. It starts with Jimmy rolling up to the Emmy's in none other than one of those weirdly small cars that make no sense in life. He runs into part of the Glee cast standing outside the building informing Jimmy that they will not attend the Emmy's because tickets are too expensive. Luckily, there is a singing contest to win the money. And my fav, Chris Colfer, (who plays Kurt) saying, "Oh, it's on bitches".
So, it goes on to say that they need 10 people to compete at 'regionals'. Along the hallway, they pick up Tina Fey (YES), Kate Gosselin in her Dancing with the Stars apparel (who they obviously deny into the group), Jon Hamm who is being taught dance lessons by none other than Betty White (who says, "back that mutha up" & "What the hell are you looking at?" to Chris), and Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester (two words: fucking awesome). After getting slushied, they dance and sing 'Born to Run' down the hallway while picking up Jorge Garcia (Hugo from LOST), and a girl that most people did not know. Er, let me rephrase. No one knew who the F she was. With some research, turns out she is Nina Dobrev from The Vampire Diaries. Ugh, why not someone else like Amy Poehler or someone from Modern Family or Tom Hanks?? Oh well! The dancing continues as Joel McHale pops into frame as the beautiful giant funny man we all know and love. After some dancing and singing, Tim Gunn shows up changing Jimmy into his classic Bruce Springsteen outfit and tells him to make it work.
Now this entire cast of celebs run onto stage with Kate G in tow. Lord knows she only agreed to it so she would be included in the live show, get a free ticket & gift basket to the Emmy's. I can only hope it is her last appearance.
A lot of shockers and first time winners at the awards this year:
Comedy:
Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)
Jane Lynch (Glee)
Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory) - really surprised Tony Shalhoub didn't win because he wins all the time - I mean, is Monk still on tv???
Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie) - this was a really tough category but Edie would of been my least favorite
Drama:
Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad) - I'm officially watching Breaking Bad now
Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife)
Brian Cranston (Breaking Bad) - a big part of me was hoping Matthew Fox would of taken this one home
Kyra Sedwick (The Closer)
Miniseries or Movie:
Julia Ormond (Temple Grandin)
David Strathairn (Temple Grandin)
Claire Danes (Temple Grandin)
Al Pacino (You Don't Know Jack)
Best miniseries: The Pacific
Best movie: Temple Grandin
Best Drama: Mad Men
Best Comedy: Modern Family
As you can see - Temple Grandin tore it up. It is an amazing story and a well told made for TV movie. If you watched the telecast, you saw the real Temple Grandin there with her mother. It was truly the most touching part of the telecast especially when she joined the team onstage for best movie when everyone had tears in their eyes. So sweet! Also, I am personally obsessed with HBO. They put out the best stuff ever! I would be completely satisfied if TV had one channel - HBO. Well, HBO and ESPN.
A lot of the telecast could be skipped such as the constant twitter updates, reality awards, or NBC teaming up presenters that are from new shows appearing on NBC in the fall. Like the two actors from the new show Undercovers. Virtually unknowns. Who cares?
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart took away the Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series award AGAIN. Not to say they don't deserve it, just wish they would give someone else a chance. Like Conan. Jimmy only made one punch line with Conan and the NBC debacle. Which I think was enough. And since it was aired on NBC, the only joke they would allow.
My favorite award of the night is always the Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Series. The intro scenes are thought up and filmed by the writers of each show (like Conan, Colbert, Jon Stewart, Dave) and they are always hilarious. They usually name every person in the show and they're long but HYSTERICAL. However, they chose to not do that this year to cut time. Once again, the writers are getting overlooked. Gay.
Ricky Gervais was a presenter for Outstanding Directing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Series. He did not let us down comedicly, "Mel Gibson's been through a lot. Not as much as the Jew's". He also did the repetitive joke of how all other awards suck except the Golden Globes because it is the only one you can drink at. So naturally, he had several waiters pass out some brews. We are all now lovers of Christine Baranski as she pounded hers.
So, it goes on to say that they need 10 people to compete at 'regionals'. Along the hallway, they pick up Tina Fey (YES), Kate Gosselin in her Dancing with the Stars apparel (who they obviously deny into the group), Jon Hamm who is being taught dance lessons by none other than Betty White (who says, "back that mutha up" & "What the hell are you looking at?" to Chris), and Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester (two words: fucking awesome). After getting slushied, they dance and sing 'Born to Run' down the hallway while picking up Jorge Garcia (Hugo from LOST), and a girl that most people did not know. Er, let me rephrase. No one knew who the F she was. With some research, turns out she is Nina Dobrev from The Vampire Diaries. Ugh, why not someone else like Amy Poehler or someone from Modern Family or Tom Hanks?? Oh well! The dancing continues as Joel McHale pops into frame as the beautiful giant funny man we all know and love. After some dancing and singing, Tim Gunn shows up changing Jimmy into his classic Bruce Springsteen outfit and tells him to make it work.
Now this entire cast of celebs run onto stage with Kate G in tow. Lord knows she only agreed to it so she would be included in the live show, get a free ticket & gift basket to the Emmy's. I can only hope it is her last appearance.
Randy Jackson then appears to help Jimmy with his guitar skills. They finish arms in hair to thunderous applause. A couple people help Jimmy with his tuxedo jacket as he turns to the crowd breathless to introduce them to the 62nd Primetime Emmy Awards.
He introduces John Hodgman as the commentator for the Emmy's. John described himself as a 'good friend and mortal enemy' of Jimmy's. Most of you know his from The Daily Show or the Mac ads with Justin Long (he's the PC guy). I really did like his narration throughout the show. It kept a consistent funny story line going throughout the show with his made up facts about nominees and recipients.
I really don't like how award shows are trying to be internet-friendly. Jimmy announcing twitter statements throughout the show was boring and not funny. Who cares what @momsbasement thinks about Susan Sarandon?
They did good intros for nominees that are not widely known in the viewer community. Like asking all the nominee's for writing for a comedy when they got their first laugh. It is a good way to keep the viewers from changing the channel.
Jane Lynch won for Glee for outstanding supporting actress in a comedy! It was her first win and well deserved. She has been in the business for many years and is one of the funniest women today. Check Best in Show or the rest of Christopher Guest mockumentaries if you think I'm lying. Or her scene stealing part in Role Models. Stephen Colbert gave her the award which I think was sentimental because they have been friends for years from Second City.
They did a Modern Family video bit. It was a company guy who was trying to 'improve' the show like adding Stewie from Family Guy, making it 3-D, the gay couple acts straight, killing of Ty Burrell and replacing him with George Clooney. You know, the norm.
The bit was really funny and successful. Especially since Modern Family took home the coveted trophy for Outstanding Comedy Series at the end of the show.A lot of shockers and first time winners at the awards this year:
Comedy:
Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)
Jane Lynch (Glee)
Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory) - really surprised Tony Shalhoub didn't win because he wins all the time - I mean, is Monk still on tv???
Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie) - this was a really tough category but Edie would of been my least favorite
Drama:
Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad) - I'm officially watching Breaking Bad now
Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife)
Brian Cranston (Breaking Bad) - a big part of me was hoping Matthew Fox would of taken this one home
Kyra Sedwick (The Closer)
Miniseries or Movie:
Julia Ormond (Temple Grandin)
David Strathairn (Temple Grandin)
Claire Danes (Temple Grandin)
Al Pacino (You Don't Know Jack)
Best miniseries: The Pacific
Best movie: Temple Grandin
Best Drama: Mad Men
Best Comedy: Modern Family
As you can see - Temple Grandin tore it up. It is an amazing story and a well told made for TV movie. If you watched the telecast, you saw the real Temple Grandin there with her mother. It was truly the most touching part of the telecast especially when she joined the team onstage for best movie when everyone had tears in their eyes. So sweet! Also, I am personally obsessed with HBO. They put out the best stuff ever! I would be completely satisfied if TV had one channel - HBO. Well, HBO and ESPN.
A lot of the telecast could be skipped such as the constant twitter updates, reality awards, or NBC teaming up presenters that are from new shows appearing on NBC in the fall. Like the two actors from the new show Undercovers. Virtually unknowns. Who cares?
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart took away the Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series award AGAIN. Not to say they don't deserve it, just wish they would give someone else a chance. Like Conan. Jimmy only made one punch line with Conan and the NBC debacle. Which I think was enough. And since it was aired on NBC, the only joke they would allow.
My favorite award of the night is always the Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Series. The intro scenes are thought up and filmed by the writers of each show (like Conan, Colbert, Jon Stewart, Dave) and they are always hilarious. They usually name every person in the show and they're long but HYSTERICAL. However, they chose to not do that this year to cut time. Once again, the writers are getting overlooked. Gay.
Ricky Gervais was a presenter for Outstanding Directing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Series. He did not let us down comedicly, "Mel Gibson's been through a lot. Not as much as the Jew's". He also did the repetitive joke of how all other awards suck except the Golden Globes because it is the only one you can drink at. So naturally, he had several waiters pass out some brews. We are all now lovers of Christine Baranski as she pounded hers.
I looked for a photo of Ricky presented at the Emmy's and stumbled on this one.
Forget the fucking Emmy's, oh my god.
George Clooney received the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award which we can all agree is well deserved. Jewel sang an unrecorded song for the Memoriam which was really beautiful. But one can't help at just staring at her teeth. Good god, get that shit fixed and get out of Stephenville, TX!
Lawrence Fishburne presented Outstanding Miniseries and Movie. When he was up there, all I could think of was how his daughter is doing pornography. And proud of it. I have a feeling we'll see more of her in the news... Ugh.
And Jimmy Fallon introduced Tom Selleck as his dad. And then ran over and gave him a bear hug. I thought it was hysterical because I think all of us want Tom Selleck as a dad sometimes. Well, maybe just his moustache.
In summation, a lot of hits and misses at the Emmy's. I think Jimmy did a pretty good job but not as good as Conan or Neil. But anything is better than when they did the reality hosts thing with Jeff, Heidi, Tom, Howie & Ryan. Good god that was terrible and painful to watch. Watch Conan's intro from 2006. It is the funniest video EVER. It includes him visiting LOST, The Office, 24, House, South Park & Chris Hanson's To Catch a Predator. Conebone69. Enough said.
And now for fashion. I won't go into depth but here are just a few of my favorites that I wanted to share! Enjoy!
Claire Danes
Armani Prive
Eva Longoria Parker
Robert Rodriguez
Mariska Hargitay
Vera Wang
Jennifer Carpenter
Oday Shakar
"Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about."
-Sherri Ann Cabot played by Jennifer Coolidge in Best in Show
Workin n Golfin
Well things are just coming along! Work at the Fox is slowly picking up which is good. A fellow co-worker's boyfriend works a few streets down in what is known as the 'gayborhood'. He makes tons of money working for short periods of time (he's a bartender - no dancing in banana hammocks). I giggled at the term gayborhood but actually stumbled upon the area a few days ago. She was not exaggerating. There are murals everywhere of gay couples. Which I say yay! I just think it's funny that the area is actually covered in all things gay. I mean, why not just get a banner that says: GAY. I like to get to the point of things. If women servers made tons of money in that area, I would totally put on my tool belt, cut my hair short and apply at the lesbian bar. You do what you gotta do for money. Except I'm not willing to take off my clothes.
Well, not yet.
Another fellow co-worker told me a funny story that happened to her cousin. The story centers around a person's name. Now we have all come across our fare share of 'WTF-is-their-name?' moments. Like Jason Lee's son is named Pilot Inspector. Shannyn Sossamon's daughter is Audio Science. Big Boi's son - Bamboo. Or the classic - Jermaine Jackson's son: Jermajesty. But this one I recently came across is a top contender.
The cousin is a midwife and was helping this woman give birth. She glanced at the birth certificate and saw the name 'Le-ah'. She told the mother, "Leah! What a great name!" And the mother immediately got angry and responded with, "It's pronounced Ledashah!" Suffice to say that things were awkward from then on. On top of them already pushing a baby out of a vagina. I'm sketchy on how that all works still.
Last week, Katy had a day off work (which is rare in her case) and she wanted to go golfing. Yup, golfing. We'll let me re-phrase. She wanted Jonathan & one of her co-workers to go golfing, and for her and I to drink and drive golf carts. So Jonathan and I arranged to be off work as well to go on this adventure. We got up at 7AM, got ready and headed to the golf course for our tee time at 8:15AM. I was feeling a little under the weather but tried to get it together. It was go time.
This was the first time I had met this certain co-worker of Katy's. And for most of you that know me out there, if you will recall the first time you met me. Now remember how scared and confused you were? Well, this poor guy had to ride in a golf cart with me. All morning. Listening to my retarded comments that made no sense as I off-roaded around the course trying not to kill us. I was extremely nervoussssssssssssss because the bridges would look so small and the golf cart so big... He turned and just stared at me a lot with a blank faces. Oh well, nice meeting ya.
They looked so dapper out there... They lasted a few holes before they started to drink with us.
Katy and I hit a couple of balls. I was not successful at all. Think Charles Barkley playing golf.
Katy was so helpful. I stayed in the cart. In the shade.
Most of you know how I do outdoors. Third-degree burns for this albino.
This is Katy's "golfing hat". It was really just a flat cap with a tartan and the symbol 'Guinness' on it.
She probably got for free at some bar somewhere.
My facial expresses how I feel about it. In case you were confused.
We ended our eighteen holes with many empty Tecates and Jonathan winning by one stroke. It was a ton of fun! We got home and jumped in the neighbors pool. Yes, we asked. Then watched Sixteen Candles (one of my favs!) as we feel asleep for a nap. Later we got up and went to see The Other Guys at the movie theater. We smuggled in our candies and drinks because lets face it - thats the ONLY way to go. Piece of shit movie theaters trying to steal our money. NOT TODAY. The Other Guys was ok only because I am obsessed with Will Ferrell. I expected a more prepared screenplay from Will & Adam McKay. Especially since I think Mark Wahlberg has a lot of comedy potential. Well, only when he talks to animals. Say hi to your mother for me, ok?
Also, was not a big fan of the New York City street scenes (which was a majority of the movie) because they didn't even bother getting extras most of the time. Instead, people on the streets would just pass by Will & Mark staring and taking photos. Bizarre. They should not have made The Other Guys and should have instead had all that money go to finally making Anchorman 2. Whatever, I don't make the decisions. But I should.
"Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?"
-Happy Gilmore played by Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Mountaintop Water Drop
I'm going to change up the blogging a little today. Today I'm going to be analyzing something that has been bothering me for a while. It is a "documentary" that is coming out September 10. Yes. I'm going there. It's entitled I'm Still Here: The Lost Years of Joaquin Phoenix. It is basically the last 'year' of Joaquin's life following his transition from movies to music. And not Walk the Line Johnny Cash music that he was incredible at. Instead, this two-time Oscar nominee is taking a shot at Hip/Hop. Yup, I said it. Hip/Hop.
It's Casey Affleck (Joaquin's brother-in-law, married to his sis Summer, brother to Ben) following him around with a camera and crew. The past year has been fueled with rumors - is it a documentary or a Christopher Guest-like mockumentary? And recently there have been two sexual-based lawsuits against Casey Affleck by two women involved in the 'movie'. All of which I will interpret. The trailer came out recently so watch it for yourself first. Then we will discuss. Intensely.
I'll let you come up with your own opinion on I'm Still Here. If it does turn out to be fake, my tortured-soul bit is going to look idiotic but those are the risks I enthrall myself into. In conclusion, Joaquin looks like one crazy bastard throughout the film. And life. He's a mountaintop water drop.
It's Casey Affleck (Joaquin's brother-in-law, married to his sis Summer, brother to Ben) following him around with a camera and crew. The past year has been fueled with rumors - is it a documentary or a Christopher Guest-like mockumentary? And recently there have been two sexual-based lawsuits against Casey Affleck by two women involved in the 'movie'. All of which I will interpret. The trailer came out recently so watch it for yourself first. Then we will discuss. Intensely.
It opens with a philosophical monologue of some sort that goes a little something like this:
That's you.
Drops of water and you're on top of the mountain of success.
But one day you start sliding down the mountain and think - wait a minute - I'm a mountaintop water drop.
I don't belong in this valley, this river, this little dark ocean with all these drops of water.
But then one day, it gets hot and you slowly evaporate into air, way up higher than any mountaintop - all the way to the heavens.
Then you understand that it was at your lowest that you were closest to God.
Life's a journey that goes round and round and the end is closest to the beginning.
So it's change you need, relish the journey.
This can be interpreted in many different ways but I think most of us are intelligent enough to get the gist. Joaquin's the water drop. And the mountain is fame. Boom.
So lets do a play-by-play of the trailer:
1. Joaquin being surrounded by paparazzi at the Late Show with David Letterman preceding his infamous Farrah Fawcett-like interview with Dave. Which believe me, we'll be going over as well. It is just too juicy not to.
2. His first stage show in which the crowd was half laughing/half jamming because he was so terrible.
3. The limo ride after his first show during which his head is being covered by the same sweater I'm assuming he was wearing at the 'concert'. Too embarrassed to show his face. He should be.
4. This part is what I like to call the 'crazy hair suit fitting smoking cig' scene.
5. Another paparazzi shot of his Two Lovers premiere which was his last movie.
6. A shot of him walking around with his crazy hair in a room. I'm guessing this is post-Dave interview.
7. A shot of his back side on a DJ booth/sound stage.
8. Next is a fun shot of him eagle running down a corridor. Cause he is as free as a bird?
9. Now is an intense brother-to-brother hug between Joaquin & P-Diddy Puffy Puff Daddy Sean Combs himself. Who is rumored to be his music manager. Which just pushes the whole belief that it is all just a hoax to a new level.
10. Then there is a horrifying shot of Joaquin without a shirt on. Which flashes me back to anyone I've ever dated. It also is just disturbing because he looks homeless. It also tries to put forward some kind of sympathy from the viewers as he looks longingly at the ground in wonderment. Is he at a low point? Or is he farting?
11. Then there are some anger shots. There is a shot that looks like he is crowd surfing at one of his 'concerts'. But after some research, it turns out to be Joaquin attacking a heckler in the crowd. Then him getting escorted out by some 'bouncers'.
12. Now there is a weird shot of Joaquin and some one fighting in what looks like a hotel room. With some more research on my part, this scene illustrates the aftermath of something incredibly disturbing. Stay tuned to learn what that is.
12. Fist pumping in a driveway.
13. Flowing with a local.
14. Hanging out with his homies.
15. Then a couple shots of him in a church. The first in a pew in which Joaquin's hand is covering his heart. Which only leads me to believe that he is doing the Pledge of Allegiance in a church. Or he is trying to pray and is failing? Then he is hugging what looks to be a priest/preacher/teacher of God. With the craziest of hair shots to date.
16. Finally, the closing scene is of Joaquin in a room as the door closes and the scene darkens. Dramatic. Nice job Casey.
17. And in conclusion, Joaquin with his shades as the crowd chants 'Joaquin'. Which I'm sure was done a couple of weeks ago in a sound studio by a couple of NYU college students that were promised beer afterwards.
Well, what do we think? Will we go see it? Probably not. Instead I'll just wait and listen to what the critics write/say. Here is how some reviews have gone so far:
1. The Los Angeles Times reported that the film featured "more male frontal nudity than you'd find in some gay porn films and a stomach-turning sequence in which someone feuding with Phoenix defecates on the actor while he's asleep". Yup. That just happened. There is a scene in which a reported 'rival musician' poops on Joaquin's face. Revert to number 12 above for further explanation. Or just take a minute to soak that in.
2. There is also a reported scene in which Joaquin is receiving oral sex by a publicist. Uh, sure.
3. Is this the true final cut that Affleck will send to Magnolia Pictures who is the company who bought I'm Still Here for distribution? I guess someone had to buy it. I guess number 1 & 2 are enough to not go see it. Ever. Number 1 and 2. Haha, I'm funny.
So lets talk about his David Letterman appearance. Watch:
Joaquin was there to promote his new and 'final' film Two Lovers. The interview is in a few words: bizarre, awkward, funny, sad and painful. It is filled with Dave doing his best to compliment Joaquin's new film and his career as an actor. It has been three years since Joaquin's last appearance and will probably be forever until his next. Unless he is looking for somewhere to perform is Hip/Hop. In that case, Dave will be first on his list of concert dates. Dave of course could not ignore his physical appearance. His crazy hair and beard but he is surprisingly still dressed nice. Even though you get the sense that he has been in that suit for a couple weeks. Sleeping in cupboards and cardboard boxes. The audience is continuously laughing uncontrollably at the hilariousness of Joaquin. Is it a joke? Or is he serious? Then Dave asks him how his days were with the Unibomber. Which lets face it, is fucking funny. Dave then asks him why he is leaving acting and for him to reconsider. However, Joaquin is confused and responds by stating that he does not know why he is leaving acting. Um, ok. Joaquin then says that he is working on his Hip/Hop as the crowd laughs. In which Joaquin responds in asking Dave what his crowd is on. Nitrous? Warm Pepsi? The real question is, what kind of drugs is Joaquin on? I'm thinking a cocktail of different pills mixed with a dash of heroin and rimmed with some cocaine. Then Dave asks Joaquin to set-up the clip from Two Lovers. Joaquin responds in silence in which is my favorite part of the show - Paul Shaffer jackass laughs. Who's to blame him? That shits funny. Joaquin responds with "are you fucking serious" about his "maniacal laughter". Joaquin starts to get pissed as Dave says "I'll come to your house and chew gum". So Joaquin naturally puts his gum underneath Dave's desk. Dave moves on to the clip again. Right before the clip starts to play - Joaquin takes his gum back. Naturally. After the clip, Dave says "Joaquin, sorry you couldn't be here tonight". Uh, agreed. Dave concludes with an apology to Farrah Fawcett and congrats Joaquin on his new career. Joaquin is already trying to leave when Dave tries to go to a break. Suffice to say - that interview was visibly awkward. I think Dave would welcome Joaquin back with open arms. Those type of ratings would be stupid to pass up. Especially if Tone Loc, MC Hammer & P Diddy joined Joaquin on stage with a rendition of "Imagine".
With all this controversy and wonderment comes really bad press for the movie. A couple of weeks ago a producer of the film, Amanda White, filed a $2 million lawsuit against Casey Affleck. In a 19 page complaint, White claims that Affleck acted inappropriately with "uninvited and unwelcome sexual advances in the workplace". Her list of damages include sexual harassment, breach of oral contract and intentional infliction of emotional distress. She also claims that Affleck owes her money for her services as a producer. Affleck quickly shot back threatening to counter-sue if White did not back down. Affleck claims that White is just pissed because she got terminated from the production over a year ago. So things looked ok for Casey - someone looking for a pay off it looks like.
Then a $2.25 million lawsuit was filed against Affleck by Magdalena Gorka who was the cinematographer for the 'documentary'. Gorka claims that Affleck engaged in a pattern of harassing behavior and refused to pay or credit her when he forced her to leave the project.
With what is happening in the film, it is hard not to believe these two women. I mean there is a scene in which Joaquin gets orally pleased by a member of the staff. It seems that the only thing Affleck has going for him is that he is being defended by female friends over the sexual harassment claims. It is going to be interesting to see how this all plays out. Especially after the film is released.
So real or fake? Joaquin has done nothing since Two Lovers and has nothing in the works according to imdb.com. Personally, I'm leaning towards the real. On a serious note, I think Joaquin is a very tortured soul. I mean we don't hang on weekends and shoot hoops so I've never actually met him. But then again, celebrities are my friends and I am entitled to my opinions. On October 31, 1993, outside The Viper Room in LA, Joaquin witnessed as his very talented brother River overdosed and died in his arms. Joaquin called 911 himself which was later rebroadcast on radio and TV the world over, repeatedly. That event could alter any one's personality or behavior continuously through out their life. In April 2005, Joaquin went to rehab for alcoholism. In January 2006, he was in a car accident that could of taken his life but he managed to walk away without any major injuries. The accident was reported to be caused by brake failure. Just like anyone, Joaquin has had his ups and downs throughout his life. However, with everything that has happened in his life, I think he has hit a breaking point. Thus, the hair. And the Hip/Hop. October 2008, he announced his retirement from acting.
I'll let you come up with your own opinion on I'm Still Here. If it does turn out to be fake, my tortured-soul bit is going to look idiotic but those are the risks I enthrall myself into. In conclusion, Joaquin looks like one crazy bastard throughout the film. And life. He's a mountaintop water drop.
"What do you think you are, for Chrissake, crazy or somethin'? Well you're not! You're not! You're no crazier than the average asshole out walkin' around on the streets and that's it."
-R.P. McMurphy played by Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Thursday, August 19, 2010
A Day in the Life of
If you are reading and aren't a 'follower' yet, please do so! It lets me know that you are reading and therefore allows me judge you for various reasons.
So with this new post comes a lot of pressure. I have been overwhelmed with all the great comments, text messages & phone calls I have received in response to this blog or 'bog' as some of you have come to know it with my e-mails. Note to self: check spelling. But more than anything, I am enormously flattered. Never in my wildest dreams would I think anyone would be interested in anything I have to say/write. People actually enjoying my writing and wanting more is exceptionally more than I could ever ask for. So for that, I thank you. Without my family and friends I would be nowhere. Especially in Philadelphia. I'd be applying for management at McDonalds in Haltom City (Fort Worth). Or Gotham City as Bari referred to it for the entire year I lived there. Yes. She thought I lived with Batman. Literally.
Well these last couple of days have been interesting to say the least because let's face it - it's another day in the life of Lauren. Wednesday I went in for my orientation with the Fox. Yes I have worked there before but still have to do the training all over again. Oh joy. My transportation downtown sucks. There is a parking garage right above the Fox which actually owns the Fox. So I get to park there for $10 a day. The train would be a lot cheaper but it doesn't run out where I live past midnight. Which bums me out not only because of the financial reasons but can you imagine the stories I would have from a 3-4 am train ride?? Holy homeless people and freak shows and me. Perrrrfeccctttt. "Can I have a dollar? Or a 40 of King Cobra & a rock of crack?"
The orientation is supposed to be 2 hours of course but we wrapped it up in less than 45 minutes including the 'tour'. We basically filled out the necessary paperwork - tax info and such. Then we had to go over the handbook. For me, the second time. Skipping over such things as attitude, attendance,
Going over things such as getting fired for being drunk on the job, serving a minor, theft. But he did say that they gamble occasionally and everyone that works there does drugs. Just don't do drugs at work or come to work high. I took copious notes. We got to the part where it said that "All servers much pass the 'server' test," in which he responded by saying that we would get the test and a menu to cheat off of. You can take breaks whenever you want if you aren't busy: smoking, eating, playing on your phone and watching tv on your laptop are all acceptable. The uniform is pretty basic. Black shoes and the standard Fox shirt. You have a choice of black pants or skirt. You can wear shorts but they have to be finger-tip length short. Which I thought was interesting since the only size shirts they order are smalls and that they order them from Baby Gap. So boob exposure is ok but don't show too much leg. Check, check.
There is zero tolerance for fraternization between managers and servers/bartenders. But lets be serious, does that ever happen? My last GM is now married to one of his former servers. He did warn us that they are really serious about it because no one would put their job in jeopardy. And that there is no screwing in the office because there is a camera. I believe it's mainly to make sure no one steals. But also to keep in check appropriate behavior. Legit.
For the most part, seems like it is going to be a casual place to work. I hope to meet some great people and make tons of money. Pray for me.
On my way home I decided to treat myself to a meal. I went to Chili's because they brought my favorite thing back on the menu. I can't seem to quit that place. I went to the Chili's closest to my house which is about 3-5 miles away. I was already going the right direction - the SAFE direction. However, I was unsure of the location of the Chili's so I let my GPS direct me.... Does anyone else wish that when you calculate your route on your GPS, there is a GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THE GHETTO ROUTE button? The first few times I went downtown, I had to plug it into my GPS and all times it took me through the worst parts of Philadelphia. Then I decided to CALCULATE ALTERNATIVE route on my GPS and it took me to a DIFFERENT ghetto. WTF? Does my GPS have a secret death wish for me? What did I ever do to it? What's a white red head young girl in a black new Altima with Texas plates and a Texas A&M Alumni sticker on her back windshield going to do in an area that has multiple stabbings a day when her tire blows? No one needs to know where I'm getting my facts from. Just know that it's true. I mean, there is a zero percent survival rate for me on this road and my GPS keeps taking me there even though I'm on the complete opposite side of town and its an hour out of my way. Oh no. Must go through Ghetto. I've got to know this road system quick before my GPS has its way. Bitch GPS. Murdering bitch GPS.
With all that stress, I finally made it home with my nachos & queso to find myself with a terrible headache. I tried to get rid of it but it just got worse. So I got my first migraine in PA. Granted it was a stage 1 migraine but Katy still had to help me do stuff. It's so embarrassing having someone take care of you. I am really thankful to live with people that are willing to take care of me.
Today was my first day of training. I am supposed to be there at 5 so leave Glenside at 3:30 just to be on the safe side. However, I get up late and don't even shower. I make the best first impressions... I also forgot to do my Learn2Serve thing online. It's like TX TABC certification. So here I am. On my first day of training. Without my shit together. Classic.
I get to the parking garage around 4ish. Hour early. Nice. I decide to play on my iPod touch. I make my way down the parking garage to the bar. Get there and there's a couple people in there, me included. I find what looks like a manager sitting at a table. I introduce myself and have a seat. Seems like a nice guy but somewhat resembles Mr. Clean. My trainer isn't here yet so I'm chilling. She finally gets there and the first thing I notice is tits. She wears her Baby Gap tee the appropriate way which I wish I had the balls to wear it like that. I have tried to wear my tee like that but it seems to ride itself back up my neckline like its rejecting my boobs. She's really sweet and gives me a menu to look over. I tell her my past experience and ask her a few questions. I think she gets the gist that I know what I'm doing. I think it's going to be an easy shift. We finally get a table and she takes it. I watch like a creeper. Everything goes great and she gets a $13 tip on $37 tab. Things are looking good. Three hours later and we haven't had another table. Things not so good. She says it's never like this and I respond with: "My luck sucks." She's trying to get me out of there which I appreciate. We get another table of 2 girls and I greet them. My trainer says they look familiar and realizes that she waited on one of the girls a couple of weeks ago. She remembers her because this girl threw up in the booth then left her exact change. What the fuck is wrong with people? We go back over to the table of girls and they are organizing some kind of treasure hunt. They are making people do things like walk a stranger's dog or take a cab, etc. They asked us for creative ideas. I couldn't think of anything and walked off. I later realize that the appropriate response to that question is "Throw up in a bar. And then stiff your server."
So there are 2 guy servers there. One of which looks like a chubbier Matt Damon in The Departed - Boston accent and all. I get really excited because:
A. He's Chubby. And lets face it, I like that.
And B. the accent does magical things to me.
But then my life falls apart when I hear about his anniversary with his girlfriend coming up. Poop. Lost another chubby Matt Damon look-alike. Chubby-chaser Lauren fails again.
So other than it being dead, the first follow went good. There are a lot of interesting people that work there and I'm excited to learn more about them. So I can let you all get-to-know them as well. I think I will have some good stories because lets just say that my manager wasn't making up the whole everyone that works there does drugs scenario...
Driving home I felt a sense of accomplishment. I also was observing my drive home and being moved by these various buildings and landscapes that I get to pass by almost everyday. It made me feel really lucky and happy. I drive down 16th street to Ben Franklin Parkway:
.JPG)
-thumb-425x318.jpg)
So with this new post comes a lot of pressure. I have been overwhelmed with all the great comments, text messages & phone calls I have received in response to this blog or 'bog' as some of you have come to know it with my e-mails. Note to self: check spelling. But more than anything, I am enormously flattered. Never in my wildest dreams would I think anyone would be interested in anything I have to say/write. People actually enjoying my writing and wanting more is exceptionally more than I could ever ask for. So for that, I thank you. Without my family and friends I would be nowhere. Especially in Philadelphia. I'd be applying for management at McDonalds in Haltom City (Fort Worth). Or Gotham City as Bari referred to it for the entire year I lived there. Yes. She thought I lived with Batman. Literally.
Well these last couple of days have been interesting to say the least because let's face it - it's another day in the life of Lauren. Wednesday I went in for my orientation with the Fox. Yes I have worked there before but still have to do the training all over again. Oh joy. My transportation downtown sucks. There is a parking garage right above the Fox which actually owns the Fox. So I get to park there for $10 a day. The train would be a lot cheaper but it doesn't run out where I live past midnight. Which bums me out not only because of the financial reasons but can you imagine the stories I would have from a 3-4 am train ride?? Holy homeless people and freak shows and me. Perrrrfeccctttt. "Can I have a dollar? Or a 40 of King Cobra & a rock of crack?"
The orientation is supposed to be 2 hours of course but we wrapped it up in less than 45 minutes including the 'tour'. We basically filled out the necessary paperwork - tax info and such. Then we had to go over the handbook. For me, the second time. Skipping over such things as attitude, attendance,
Going over things such as getting fired for being drunk on the job, serving a minor, theft. But he did say that they gamble occasionally and everyone that works there does drugs. Just don't do drugs at work or come to work high. I took copious notes. We got to the part where it said that "All servers much pass the 'server' test," in which he responded by saying that we would get the test and a menu to cheat off of. You can take breaks whenever you want if you aren't busy: smoking, eating, playing on your phone and watching tv on your laptop are all acceptable. The uniform is pretty basic. Black shoes and the standard Fox shirt. You have a choice of black pants or skirt. You can wear shorts but they have to be finger-tip length short. Which I thought was interesting since the only size shirts they order are smalls and that they order them from Baby Gap. So boob exposure is ok but don't show too much leg. Check, check.
There is zero tolerance for fraternization between managers and servers/bartenders. But lets be serious, does that ever happen? My last GM is now married to one of his former servers. He did warn us that they are really serious about it because no one would put their job in jeopardy. And that there is no screwing in the office because there is a camera. I believe it's mainly to make sure no one steals. But also to keep in check appropriate behavior. Legit.
For the most part, seems like it is going to be a casual place to work. I hope to meet some great people and make tons of money. Pray for me.
On my way home I decided to treat myself to a meal. I went to Chili's because they brought my favorite thing back on the menu. I can't seem to quit that place. I went to the Chili's closest to my house which is about 3-5 miles away. I was already going the right direction - the SAFE direction. However, I was unsure of the location of the Chili's so I let my GPS direct me.... Does anyone else wish that when you calculate your route on your GPS, there is a GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THE GHETTO ROUTE button? The first few times I went downtown, I had to plug it into my GPS and all times it took me through the worst parts of Philadelphia. Then I decided to CALCULATE ALTERNATIVE route on my GPS and it took me to a DIFFERENT ghetto. WTF? Does my GPS have a secret death wish for me? What did I ever do to it? What's a white red head young girl in a black new Altima with Texas plates and a Texas A&M Alumni sticker on her back windshield going to do in an area that has multiple stabbings a day when her tire blows? No one needs to know where I'm getting my facts from. Just know that it's true. I mean, there is a zero percent survival rate for me on this road and my GPS keeps taking me there even though I'm on the complete opposite side of town and its an hour out of my way. Oh no. Must go through Ghetto. I've got to know this road system quick before my GPS has its way. Bitch GPS. Murdering bitch GPS.
With all that stress, I finally made it home with my nachos & queso to find myself with a terrible headache. I tried to get rid of it but it just got worse. So I got my first migraine in PA. Granted it was a stage 1 migraine but Katy still had to help me do stuff. It's so embarrassing having someone take care of you. I am really thankful to live with people that are willing to take care of me.
Today was my first day of training. I am supposed to be there at 5 so leave Glenside at 3:30 just to be on the safe side. However, I get up late and don't even shower. I make the best first impressions... I also forgot to do my Learn2Serve thing online. It's like TX TABC certification. So here I am. On my first day of training. Without my shit together. Classic.
I get to the parking garage around 4ish. Hour early. Nice. I decide to play on my iPod touch. I make my way down the parking garage to the bar. Get there and there's a couple people in there, me included. I find what looks like a manager sitting at a table. I introduce myself and have a seat. Seems like a nice guy but somewhat resembles Mr. Clean. My trainer isn't here yet so I'm chilling. She finally gets there and the first thing I notice is tits. She wears her Baby Gap tee the appropriate way which I wish I had the balls to wear it like that. I have tried to wear my tee like that but it seems to ride itself back up my neckline like its rejecting my boobs. She's really sweet and gives me a menu to look over. I tell her my past experience and ask her a few questions. I think she gets the gist that I know what I'm doing. I think it's going to be an easy shift. We finally get a table and she takes it. I watch like a creeper. Everything goes great and she gets a $13 tip on $37 tab. Things are looking good. Three hours later and we haven't had another table. Things not so good. She says it's never like this and I respond with: "My luck sucks." She's trying to get me out of there which I appreciate. We get another table of 2 girls and I greet them. My trainer says they look familiar and realizes that she waited on one of the girls a couple of weeks ago. She remembers her because this girl threw up in the booth then left her exact change. What the fuck is wrong with people? We go back over to the table of girls and they are organizing some kind of treasure hunt. They are making people do things like walk a stranger's dog or take a cab, etc. They asked us for creative ideas. I couldn't think of anything and walked off. I later realize that the appropriate response to that question is "Throw up in a bar. And then stiff your server."
So there are 2 guy servers there. One of which looks like a chubbier Matt Damon in The Departed - Boston accent and all. I get really excited because:
A. He's Chubby. And lets face it, I like that.
And B. the accent does magical things to me.
But then my life falls apart when I hear about his anniversary with his girlfriend coming up. Poop. Lost another chubby Matt Damon look-alike. Chubby-chaser Lauren fails again.
So other than it being dead, the first follow went good. There are a lot of interesting people that work there and I'm excited to learn more about them. So I can let you all get-to-know them as well. I think I will have some good stories because lets just say that my manager wasn't making up the whole everyone that works there does drugs scenario...
Driving home I felt a sense of accomplishment. I also was observing my drive home and being moved by these various buildings and landscapes that I get to pass by almost everyday. It made me feel really lucky and happy. I drive down 16th street to Ben Franklin Parkway:
.JPG)
I drive on a roundabout around the Swann Fountain.
Night shot of the Fountain.
Then to my left there is the Franklin Institute of Science. Right now they are having a Cleopatra exhibit that I want to visit.
Franklin Institute
-thumb-425x318.jpg)
Cleopatra
Benjamin Franklin Parkway is lined with flags of the United States. It also leads to the Philadelphia Museum of Art and what are known as the 'Rocky Steps'.
This is when they had the Dali exhibit. Right now there is a Late Renoir exhibit but ends September 4th. I'm going to try to go next Week.
This is obviously Christmas time which I haven't experienced yet. But this picture gives you a sense driving-wise what I experience almost everyday. Isn't it unreal?
This is the Rocky statue. It was at the top of the steps I was told but has been since moved to the bottom. Doesn't really look like Sylvester but who am I to judge?
After this I merge onto Kelly Drive but go through Boathouse Row first and parts of Fairmount Park. It is along the Schuylkill River. I'll let that name settle with you for a moment.
Ok, moment has passed. It's a row of 15 boathouses and they are frats & racing clubs.
Kelly Drive runs right behind these houses.
I've been debating on putting on my best outfit and heals. Then hittin' the strip. Hard.
Just to see what happens.
View on what I drive next to. Gorgeous. But I've been told to not go in the river. Gorgeous but with heavily contagious diseases. By America.
A cool cave I drive under. Pretty sweet.
I'll try to eventually get my own photos on here. But for now I'll keep busy with stealing them from the internet. My drive is so surreal and it reminds me everyday how lucky I am to be living here. I cannot wait to explore the city more. First conquer Philly, then NYC. I'm really excited to start the Improv class in the Spring. I have also been really thinking about sketch writing but we'll see.
Does anyone know if there is a Rosetta Stone for accents? If I'm going to be a better impersonator, I need to brush up on my accents. I'm really tired of my Arnold Schwarzenegger sounding like a drunk Austrian stripper from East Texas. I need to look into it. GET TO THE CHOPPERRRRRR.
"Ah come on, Adrian, it's true. I was nobody. But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I lose this fight. It really don't matter if this guy opens my head, either. 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood."
-Rocky Balboa played by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)