A Day in the Life of

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So with this new post comes a lot of pressure.  I have been overwhelmed with all the great comments, text messages & phone calls I have received in response to this blog or 'bog' as some of you have come to know it with my e-mails.  Note to self: check spelling.  But more than anything, I am enormously flattered. Never in my wildest dreams would I think anyone would be interested in anything I have to say/write.  People actually enjoying my writing and wanting more is exceptionally more than I could ever ask for.  So for that, I thank you.  Without my family and friends I would be nowhere.  Especially in Philadelphia.  I'd be applying for management at McDonalds in Haltom City (Fort Worth).  Or Gotham City as Bari referred to it for the entire year I lived there.  Yes.  She thought I lived with Batman.  Literally.

Well these last couple of days have been interesting to say the least because let's face it - it's another day in the life of Lauren.  Wednesday I went in for my orientation with the Fox.  Yes I have worked there before but still have to do the training all over again.  Oh joy.  My transportation downtown sucks.  There is a parking garage right above the Fox which actually owns the Fox.  So I get to park there for $10 a day.  The train would be a lot cheaper but it doesn't run out where I live past midnight.  Which bums me out not only because of the financial reasons but can you imagine the stories I would have from a 3-4 am train ride??  Holy homeless people and freak shows and me.  Perrrrfeccctttt.  "Can I have a dollar?  Or a 40 of King Cobra & a rock of crack?"

The orientation is supposed to be 2 hours of course but we wrapped it up in less than 45 minutes including the 'tour'.  We basically filled out the necessary paperwork - tax info and such.  Then we had to go over the handbook.  For me, the second time.  Skipping over such things as attitude, attendance,
Going over things such as getting fired for being drunk on the job, serving a minor, theft.  But he did say that they gamble occasionally and everyone that works there does drugs.  Just don't do drugs at work or come to work high.  I took copious notes.  We got to the part where it said that "All servers much pass the 'server' test," in which he responded by saying that we would get the test and a menu to cheat off of.  You can take breaks whenever you want if you aren't busy: smoking, eating, playing on your phone and watching tv on your laptop are all acceptable.  The uniform is pretty basic.  Black shoes and the standard Fox shirt.  You have a choice of black pants or skirt.  You can wear shorts but they have to be finger-tip length short.  Which I thought was interesting since the only size shirts they order are smalls and that they order them from Baby Gap.  So boob exposure is ok but don't show too much leg.  Check, check.

There is zero tolerance for fraternization between managers and servers/bartenders.  But lets be serious, does that ever happen?  My last GM is now married to one of his former servers.  He did warn us that they are really serious about it because no one would put their job in jeopardy.  And that there is no screwing in the office because there is a camera.  I believe it's mainly to make sure no one steals.  But also to keep in check appropriate behavior.  Legit.

For the most part, seems like it is going to be a casual place to work.  I hope to meet some great people and make tons of money.  Pray for me.

On my way home I decided to treat myself to a meal.  I went to Chili's because they brought my favorite thing back on the menu.  I can't seem to quit that place.  I went to the Chili's closest to my house which is about 3-5 miles away.  I was already going the right direction - the SAFE direction.  However, I was unsure of the location of the Chili's so I let my GPS direct me....  Does anyone else wish that when you calculate your route on your GPS, there is a GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THE GHETTO ROUTE button?  The first few times I went downtown, I had to plug it into my GPS and all times it took me through the worst parts of Philadelphia.  Then I decided to CALCULATE ALTERNATIVE route on my GPS and it took me to a DIFFERENT ghetto.  WTF?  Does my GPS have a secret death wish for me?  What did I ever do to it?  What's a white red head young girl in a black new Altima with Texas plates and a Texas A&M Alumni sticker on her back windshield going to do in an area that has multiple stabbings a day when her tire blows?  No one needs to know where I'm getting my facts from.  Just know that it's true.  I mean, there is a zero percent survival rate for me on this road and my GPS keeps taking me there even though I'm on the complete opposite side of town and its an hour out of my way.  Oh no.  Must go through Ghetto.  I've got to know this road system quick before my GPS has its way.  Bitch GPS.  Murdering bitch GPS.

With all that stress, I finally made it home with my nachos & queso to find myself with a terrible headache.  I tried to get rid of it but it just got worse.  So I got my first migraine in PA.  Granted it was a stage 1 migraine but Katy still had to help me do stuff.  It's so embarrassing having someone take care of you.  I am really thankful to live with people that are willing to take care of me.

Today was my first day of training.  I am supposed to be there at 5 so leave Glenside at 3:30 just to be on the safe side.  However, I get up late and don't even shower.  I make the best first impressions...  I also forgot to do my Learn2Serve thing online.  It's like TX TABC certification.   So here I am.  On my first day of training.  Without my shit together.  Classic.

I get to the parking garage around 4ish.  Hour early.  Nice.  I decide to play on my iPod touch.  I make my way down the parking garage to the bar.  Get there and there's a couple people in there, me included.  I find what looks like a manager sitting at a table.  I introduce myself and have a seat.  Seems like a nice guy but somewhat resembles Mr. Clean.  My trainer isn't here yet so I'm chilling.  She finally gets there and the first thing I notice is tits.  She wears her Baby Gap tee the appropriate way which I wish I had the balls to wear it like that.  I have tried to wear my tee like that but it seems to ride itself back up my neckline like its rejecting my boobs.  She's really sweet and gives me a menu to look over.  I tell her my past experience and ask her a few questions.  I think she gets the gist that I know what I'm doing.  I think it's going to be an easy shift.  We finally get a table and she takes it.  I watch like a creeper.  Everything goes great and she gets a $13 tip on $37 tab.  Things are looking good.  Three hours later and we haven't had another table.  Things not so good.  She says it's never like this and I respond with: "My luck sucks."  She's trying to get me out of there which I appreciate.  We get another table of 2 girls and I greet them.  My trainer says they look familiar and realizes that she waited on one of the girls a couple of weeks ago.  She remembers her because this girl threw up in the booth then left her exact change.  What the fuck is wrong with people?  We go back over to the table of girls and they are organizing some kind of treasure hunt.  They are making people do things like walk a stranger's dog or take a cab, etc.  They asked us for creative ideas.  I couldn't think of anything and walked off.  I later realize that the appropriate response to that question is "Throw up in a bar.  And then stiff your server."

So there are 2 guy servers there.  One of which looks like a chubbier Matt Damon in The Departed - Boston accent and all.  I get really excited because:
A. He's Chubby.  And lets face it, I like that.
And B.  the accent does magical things to me.
But then my life falls apart when I hear about his anniversary with his girlfriend coming up.  Poop.  Lost another chubby Matt Damon look-alike.  Chubby-chaser Lauren fails again.

So other than it being dead, the first follow went good.  There are a lot of interesting people that work there and I'm excited to learn more about them.  So I can let you all get-to-know them as well.  I think I will have some good stories because lets just say that my manager wasn't making up the whole everyone that works there does drugs scenario...

Driving home I felt a sense of accomplishment.  I also was observing my drive home and being moved by these various buildings and landscapes that I get to pass by almost everyday.  It made me feel really lucky and happy.  I drive down 16th street to Ben Franklin Parkway:

I drive on a roundabout around the Swann Fountain.

Night shot of the Fountain.

Then to my left there is the Franklin Institute of Science.  Right now they are having a Cleopatra exhibit that I want to visit.

Franklin Institute

Cleopatra

Benjamin Franklin Parkway is lined with flags of the United States.  It also leads to the Philadelphia Museum of Art and what are known as the 'Rocky Steps'.

This is when they had the Dali exhibit.  Right now there is a Late Renoir exhibit but ends September 4th.  I'm going to try to go next Week.

This is obviously Christmas time which I haven't experienced yet.  But this picture gives you a sense driving-wise what I experience almost everyday.  Isn't it unreal?

This is the Rocky statue.  It was at the top of the steps I was told but has been since moved to the bottom.  Doesn't really look like Sylvester but who am I to judge?

After this I merge onto Kelly Drive but go through Boathouse Row first and parts of Fairmount Park.  It is along the Schuylkill River.  I'll let that name settle with you for a moment.

Ok, moment has passed.  It's a row of 15 boathouses and they are frats & racing clubs.  

Kelly Drive runs right behind these houses.

I've been debating on putting on my best outfit and heals.  Then hittin' the strip.  Hard.

Just to see what happens.

View on what I drive next to.  Gorgeous.  But I've been told to not go in the river.  Gorgeous but with heavily contagious diseases.  By America.

A cool cave I drive under.  Pretty sweet.

I'll try to eventually get my own photos on here.  But for now I'll keep busy with stealing them from the internet.  My drive is so surreal and it reminds me everyday how lucky I am to be living here.  I cannot wait to explore the city more.  First conquer Philly, then NYC.  I'm really excited to start the Improv class in the Spring.  I have also been really thinking about sketch writing but we'll see.  

Does anyone know if there is a Rosetta Stone for accents?  If I'm going to be a better impersonator, I need to brush up on my accents.  I'm really tired of my Arnold Schwarzenegger sounding like a drunk  Austrian stripper from East Texas.  I need to look into it.  GET TO THE CHOPPERRRRRR.

"Ah come on, Adrian, it's true.  I was nobody.  But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I lose this fight.  It really don't matter if this guy opens my head, either.  'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance.  Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood."

-Rocky Balboa played by Sylvester Stallone in Rocky