Halloween 2010

We all know how excited I get about Halloween (notice the written sarcasm).  I hate everything there is to do with dressing up.  I just cannot seem to get into it.  And when I am actually in costume, I constantly think about how embarrassed I am.  And lets face it, when do I get embarrassed about anything I do or say?  Um, never.   I do not know what it is about costumes that make me feel like that.  And I'm going to be an actor...  Maybe I'll feel different when I'm getting paid for it...

Before I expose my Halloween 2010 get-up, lets go on a journey.  A journey that begins with me discovering Halloween at a young age.  I was around 8 years of age and decided to throw on an old dance costume (kitten) that no longer fit me.  And by 'no longer fit me', I mean that it was a white leotard that was so small that it gave me a severe camel toe and the arm holes no longer reached over my shoulders.  It also had a tail attached.  I then made my dad take me trick or treating which consisted of me walking up and down my street (which only had 4 other houses) while my dad watched from the front lawn until I returned 5 minutes later.   Lets call this journey 'Past Halloween Costumes That I Have Pictures of on my Computer'.  I am not creative.  And here we go:

Year: 2001+

Costume: Bumble Bee

• Makeup: 1 black dot on each cheek.  Cause bumble bee's have that.
• Explanation: This was the best $10 I have ever spent.  The costume was simple.  Wear black shirt and shorts with optional fish-net stockings as under armor.  Then apply actual costume which consisted of a felt tie-on facade that just consisted of yellow and black stripes.  Wings.  Then felt hat with antennas.  This picture is not a testament to what I actually looked like in 2001.  All my pictures from Halloween 2001 are in storage (sorry, no braces pictures for you).  This costume was so simple and easy that I reused it for many Halloweens to come.  This picture is from a 2005 Halloween event I believe.  I put a lot of mileage in this costume and actually looked for it this year's Halloween festivites.  However, I believe I finally threw it away.  I think the antennas fell off...
• Memorable Story: Every Halloween I can remember in Middle School and High School, we always met up at my friend Danielle's house before we went out trick or treating.  This specific Halloween of 2001, my friend Megan and I were bumble bee's together.  We were running from house to house to collect as much candy as we could, pushing children out of our path.  Because that was what you did when you were sophomore's in high school.  But my feet were not quick enough for my body.  And I fell face down on cement.  So after some laughing, my friends dragged me to the nearest house we knew so I could get cleaned up.  My body was scraped head to toe in blood.
• Summation: The bumble bee costume was awesome because it was simple and reusable for many Halloweens.  However, it did not manage to stop me from being a spaz and eating shit on some cement.

Year: 2003

Costume: Fat Bastard

• Makeup: 4 small rectangular pieces of velcro that I glued cotton balls to.  I used a red marker and transformed them from cotton balls to Scottish eyebrows/sideburns.  Or as everyone else referred to them as: Cheetos.  
• Explanation: I ordered this costume right before Halloween and spent oodles on the shipping cost.  It was also like $90 itself anyway.  It was my senior year of high school and I wanted to go out with a bang.  There was also a costume contest with a financial reward.  I was gonna win that shit.  Not only did it have a really cool hat, the rest of the costume was all 1 piece.  Attached with a battery pack inflation device that blew air inside the costume so I would become fat.  The Bastard part came naturally.  
• Memorable Moment: As most of you know, my accents are not the best in the world.  So suffice to say, my Scottish accent sounded like a Southern bag piper with a stick up his ass.  Now imagine me saying, "Get in my BELLY.  I ate a BABYYYYY."  I blame my loss on the accent.  Everyone in the school loved it but when I went into the judge's room, I walked into a room of dead silence.  The three judges were teachers who had no idea who Austin Powers was.  So I lost.  I should of burned the school down then.
• Summation: Funniest. Costume. Ever. But not for teachers in there late 50s.

Year: 2004

Costume: Lucy Ricardo

• Makeup: Bright red lipstick.
• Explanation: This was a blue and white pock-a-dotted dress with white apron that had the 'I Love Lucy' logo on it.  Just in case people were confused.  I also purchased the red curly wig with a white bow in it.    I thought this costume was pretty fitting since Lucille Ball is a comedic icon.  In this day and age, to do comedy without vulgarity is pretty uncommon.  But she did it for decades and laid the brickwork for female comedians to come.  And also, she was a redhead so hollaaaaaa!!!!!
• Memorable Moment: This was my first year in college and Halloween was spent with old high school friends in College Station.  We were at a friend's apartment pre-partying then went to a house party.  After some frivolity, we headed back to the original apartment.  My friend though it would be a good idea to dance on top of his '97 red Mustang.  As he was trying to get off, he fell down the back and broke the back windshield.  With his hand.  Glass was everywhere including the back seat where my wig had been tossed.  FYI: wigs are hot as balls.  I got rid of that shit in a heart beat.  
• Summation: Lucille Ball Female Comedic Icon. Mustang 1. Wig 0.

Year: 2005

Costume: Ghost

• Makeup: Black circles around eyes.
• Explanation: I took a sheet from middle school with pink stripes all over it and cut 2 holes in it for eyes.  Boom.
• Good idea but when you put it into play - there are various problems that arise.  Such as, how to drink?  I simply cut a hole around the mouth and put a straw through it (as seen in this picture if you look hard enough).  And lets just say, having something on your face for long periods of time is extremely claustrophobic.  It reminds you of being strangled and murdered.  Well, how I imagine it to feel like.  
• Memorable Moment: My friend Weatherly twisted her ankle at a frat party we were attending.  So I gallantly threw my 'ghost' sheet off to expose the spaghetti strap top and cheerleading shorts I was wearing underneath.  I drunkenly swept Weatherly off her feet and carried her to the car.  With dozens of drunk girls and frat boys staring at me in wonderment.  Ghost one minute.  The next, running out of a frat party carrying someone wearing hardly nothing with black circles around her eyes.
• Summation: Ghost costume - funny idea, sucks to wear.  And not sexy.  At all.  

Year: 2008

Costume: Slutty Little Red Riding Hood

• Makeup: Slutty eyeliner.
• Explanation: Borrowed this costume from a friend.  This is the first year I've ever gone slutty.  Which is what women are expected to do for Halloween.  Apparently.  Costume with red cape/hood accessorized with black stockings.  
• Memorable Moment: The person I borrowed this costume from was hosting a Halloween party.  I was excited to go to meet new people and show her costume in action.  There was an attractive guy there that I hit it off really well with.  I even got up the nerve to offer my phone number which has NEVER happened in my life and has not happened again since.  He responded with, "I'm married."
• Summation: Slutiness doesn't always pay off.

Year: 2009

Costume: Cat in the Hat

• Makeup: None.
• Explanation: I knew I was going to be able to squeeze out of work early and wanted to go out with my bestie Lizz because Halloween is her personal Christmas.  She works for an online costume store and always has fun outfits.  However, this being a last minute get together - I had nothing.  My sister had rented a costume for work and she was the Cat in the Hat.  Welp, Cat in the Hat it is.  It was a onesie with a red bow at the neckline.  It also came with the large red/white striped hat.  
• Memorable Moment:  Lizz and I were walking home from the bar when some guy passed us and yelled, "Oh look, it's a bitch in hat."  And I responded by laughing as I turned to Lizz and said, "hahahaha that guy called you a bitch."  She was like, "I believe he was referring to you."
• Summation: Onesie's are way too hot and sweaty.

Year: 2010

Costume: Flapper

• Makeup: Silvery eye shadow.
• Explanation: We were told a couple weeks before Halloween that there would be a costume contest on Saturday.  It was basically preached to us like it was mandatory.  Lord knows I hate dressing up especially while waiting tables (in college I was bartending in the bumble bee costume running around frantically because we were unexpectantly really busy.  So all the guests were saying, "Well, she is just as busy as a bee."  I'll kill you.).  This flapper costume was made of polyester and was the itchiest material ever.  I thought I was having an allergic reaction all night.  It also had the feather lining on the bottom of the dress and a little feather/sparkly head band.  I completed the costume with non-slip black shoes, TR name tag and maroon apron.  I accessorized with a pearl necklace, huge diamond earrings and my huge diamond engagement ring.  I get to work and like 3 other people are dressed up.  Apparently, not mandatory at all.
• Memorable Moment: I lost the costume contest to a dude in tights.
• Summation: Everything that is polyester should be burned.

This is one of my managers Jen, she is amazing!!

"My ungodly book speaks to you. On All Hallow's Eve, when the moon is round, a virgin, will summon us from under the ground.  Oh Oh!  We shall be back, and the lies of all the children of Salem will be mine!" 

-Winifred Sanderson played by Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus