Christmas 2010

Friday, December 24

I woke up relatively early and got dressed.  I wanted to visit my friend Stephanie at her place of work (Ann Taylor LOFT).  However, it was raining outside and I was unsure if the Buick could handle the weather.  So I asked my sister if I could take her car.  She replied yes but was busy making 5,000 cookies.  She made homemade chocolate chip and M&M cookies.  I gained 20 pounds while I was at home.

I made my way to the LOFT off of Mockingbird but traffic was a mess.  It took me a while to find parking. I made my way into the LOFT to find it surprisingly not busy for Christmas Eve.  Well better for me because they were having a sale!  So I bought my sister a sweater and treated myself to a few items.  I went to the dressing room where I tried on various garments and loved everything I tried on.  I then tried to exit the dressing room but got stuck.  Couldn't get out.  No one else is in the dressing room.  Should I scream for Stephanie?  No, that's inappropriate.  So I stood there for a while in panic mode.  After a bit, I just flung myself into the door and it opened.  I casually walked it off.

I left the LOFT for my sister's.  My dad should be there by now!  I could NOT be more excited to see my best friend.  When I had a meltdown Monday, he was the first person I called.  I can tell him everything and he kindly listens and gives me advice.  I am so thankful for him.  Even though he is an IRS mess.

I get home to find my dad riffling through the refrigerator.  I said "Hey hoe" and gave him a big bear hug.  We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out.  I wrapped presents as I filled my dad in on my crazy past week.  He goes, "You've been busy".  

After a couple hours, we got ready to head over to Fort Worth to meet my aunt and uncle at Caro's.  My uncle Jerry is my dad's brother and his beautiful wife Joan is an amazing woman.  They are so supportive and constantly say how proud of me they are.  It really makes a person feel good to hear that.

We made it to Caro's early.  If you live in DFW area and have never been to Caro's, GO.  It is old school Mexican food which means heavy on the grease and cheese.  But I love it.  It's off Bluebonnet Circle near the TCU campus.  When you go, give a shoutout to John for me!  We got our table and proceeded to chow down on tostados.   Yum.  Oh, how I've missed you tostados.  We set up Cate's station which consisted of my sisters computer that plays videos on it.  Gotta keep this wild child occupied.  I decided it was a good time to take glamour shots.

Me and the Dad.  Crazy Bastard.

If you have never met my dad and are curious to know why I am the way that I am.

Take a minute to chat with this guy.  Then you'll understand.

John took this photo of the family.  Notice how Cate is trying to get away.

I called her a 'dildo' most of the time that I was at home.

Lynn wasn't a fan of it.

Two women and a Baby.

Not too long after this, my aunt and uncle arrived.  My Aunt Joan has a lot of medical problems but as always, she looked stunning.  Joan gave Cate her gift and Cate quickly demolished it.  Joan also still buys Lynn & I presents which is so sweet but completely unnecessary!  She got us a silver bracelet with the Lord's Prayer on it.  I need some prayer in my life these days.

We ordered food and all had our alcoholic drinks ready.  I caught them up on my life in Philadelphia.  They were excited for me.  My Aunt Joan asked me, like she does every time she sees me, if I was dating anyone.  My dad proceeded to look at me with this funny face and laugh loudly.  Thanks dad. 

During this whole conversation, Cate was loose out in the restaurant.  John is so nice to let her do that.  She was in the kitchen hanging out.  Literally.

She looked like a Where's Waldo Santa Elf on crack. Oh, the Holidays.

It was an amazing dinner as we said our goodbyes.  We headed back to Dallas.  Warner (my brother-in-law) and his mother had been out shopping all day.  Oh, boy.  We arrived at the house to find them wrapping tons of stuff.  Looked like they did some damage.  I finished wrapping my few gifts and tried to get situated on the couch.  

However, with Cate staying up until early in the morning and Warner's mother acting as Santa - they were up until 4 or 5 am in the morning.  Making lots of noise.  So I twisted and turned on the couch in agony.  I couldn't sleep with my dad because he is a loud snorer.  So I slept miserably.  Then around 5:30am, my sister decided to go into the kitchen and throw pots and pans around.  I wanted to put the Buick in neutral and lay in front of it.

Saturday, December 25

Christmas morning finally came.  Lynn woke up Cate to get her up to notice that Santa had come.  However, being 2 years old, she really doesn't understand Santa and Christmas quite yet.  So she just looked around in a daze.  We ate our Christmas meal.  It was our usual Thanksgiving meal but I insisted that my sister make it since I missed out on Texas Thanksgiving this year.  So I got to have my turkey, dressing, green bean casserole, and homemade bread.  BOMB.  

We decided to open presents.  Of course Cate was the main attraction.  I'm no longer the baby anymore. WAHHHHHHHHHH

These are Cate's toys before Christmas:

So she should never be bored.

Out of all the presents she got, she was most excited about getting candy.

She received lots of books.  She knows all the facial features, some of the alphabet and most colors.  She is one smart 2 year old.  Notice Warner in the background holding 1 out of 2 babies she received for Christmas.  Yes, she has a mini-stroller.  The whole thing is bizarre.

I got Cate two DVDs.  I wanted to get her disney movies but they are so expensive.  I found Sleeping Beauty for a reasonable price so I got her that and Homeward Bound.  But this was her opening the gift I got for her from FAO Schwatz.  It's a Poley of her very own!

Poley #1

And Poley #2.  She LOVED him!  YAY!

Dad got her those funny shoes.  She walked around in them most of the day. Notice how she is only fixated on the candy.  She could give two shits about anything else.

Candy Crack Coma

ANOTHER baby she got.  This one says stuff and you can feed it a 'bottle'.  

If it pee's or poops, I'm out.

Now it was time for the main event.  Warner had got her 150 small different colored balls and he was going to dump it on her.  

She is throwing out the tissue paper.

She got ball dumped on and was initially slightly confused.

But then she became extremely excited.

Great, now she has a 150 balls to strategically place around the house.

Nice one dad.

And that is why I'm the Aunt.

Father and Daughter in their respective onesies.  Yes, my brother-in-law got a onesie for Christmas years ago.  He would wear it 24/7 if he could.  He's 37.

Now it was pie time.  Each of us had some of my sisters amazing Chocolate Mouse pie.  Every year, my sister and dad make the joke about how to not take the pie to the guest bedroom by myself.  It all stemmed from years ago, when I was in elementary school and we were having Thanksgiving at my grandmother's apartment.  I decided it would be a good idea to take the pie back into my grandmother's bedroom so I could have some alone time with it.  Well alone time turned into me demolishing the whole pie by myself.  So no one else got a piece that year.  You do something ONE TIME and people never let you forget about it.  I LIKE CHOCOLATE PIE, BACK OFF OF ME.

We spent the rest of the day watching movies.  We watched two of the DVDs that my sister had got me for Christmas.  We watched Salt first then The Town which I had already seen.  Mainly because I love Ben Affleck (anyone remember my Middle School obsession??) and Boston accents.  I was in heaven.  Then we watched Pecker because I had never seen it.  It is a John Waters film (think Cry Baby or Serial Mom).  Then we closed out the day with Avatar because my dad had never seen it.  My sister and her husband compared it to Dances with Wolves.  Interesting.

I told anyone that touched the rest of the pie was immediately a dead man.

DESTROYED.

After this, the conversation turned into something random.  All I remember is that my sister called my dad "the biggest whore she knows".  This was his reaction:

He's shocked.  Yet not surprised.  Cause he is a whore.

That's my dad.

After everyone had gone to sleep, I spent the rest of the evening watching television.  God I miss cable.

Sunday, December 26

Today was Stepp Family Christmas 2010!  I could not of been more excited!  Dad and I headed over to Colleyville to Shelley & Mark's mansion around noon.  We all said our hello's as I headed to the tree to put my crappy gift under it.  Apparently someone (Susan) had gone a little shop happy for her first grandchild because there were gifts EVERYWHERE.

After visiting, it was lunch time.  We all gathered around the table when I was magically seated at the head of the table.  How the hell did that happen?  James said it was because I was supposed to be the conversation starter.  So I simply said why I usually say in clutch situations, "How 'bout them Cowboys?"

The dinner was amazing and I quickly got full.  Shayla & I helped with cleanup duty.  After we had dessert, it was Christmas gift time.

I got some really cool stuff like books about President Ford & Adams to have when I start my reading of biographies of every U.S. president (if anyone has any recommendations - let me know).  I also got a book about Martin Luther King, Jr. that I'm excited to read.  Shawnna gave us our calendar for the year which I am always super pumped about.  It was a really great Stepp Family Christmas.  However, towards the end I received a text from Katy to check my flight because hers was canceled.  I realized while I was having a blast in Texas, that there was a blizzard happening in the Northeast.  Whoops.

I checked my flights.  My flight from DFW to Atlanta was on time but my flight from Atlanta to Philadelphia was canceled.  Katy told me they would not let her fly until Wednesday.  I tried calling Delta but there automated system simply said "Due to weather difficulties, we are having problems.  Call back later".  Um ok, that's a lot of help.

Dad and I said our goodbyes and hit the road.  I drove to south Fort Worth to visit my grandmother while dad drove back to Dallas to my sisters.  By the time I got to the rehab facility, my mother had already left.  It was a quick visit with my grandmother because she basically told me to leave.  

Ok Grand, Merry Christmas.

One of my Chili's friends Lauren wanted to meet up for drinks because that was the only time she could do it when I was in town.  So we headed back to our home base, Chili's Fossil Creek, for drinks.  When I got there, old regulars Mark and Josie were there.  I sat with them as we caught up about life.  Lauren finally arrived as Mark bought us shots.  This could be a long night...

After Chili's, Lauren & I headed to Dublin's (her favorite place) with Yajaera and Aaron.  It was great sitting with old friends and catching up.  Yajaera and Aaron left for a house party and left Lauren & I to close Dublin's down.  So we did.

There are bits and pieces that I remember about that night.  I remember these dudes at another table hitting on us.  I told one of them to go away in more or less words.  At around 2, we called it a night.  I headed back to my mothers thinking the whole time that my flight was canceled.  I wasn't going to get on a plane to Atlanta to just get stuck there.  So I went to bed worry free.  Or so I thought...

"Buzz!  Your girlfriend!  WOOF!"

-Kevin McCallister played by Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone

Headshots and Bongs

Wednesday, December 22

I woke up to find my mother sitting in the living room.  She informed me that she didn't even know that I was sleeping in the bedroom.  She's a mess.  I had slept in my clothes from the night before and had no make-up.  Again.  I told her that I would go visit Grand with her before my trip back to Dallas.   So we headed to very south Fort Worth to the rehab shack.  It's a very nice facility and her roommate Ruth is really sweet.  She is probably in her 80s but she had actually broken her hip.  My grandmother didn't look good at all and it put me in a real dumper.  Who wants to spend there birthday in a hospital? Her expected getting released time is January 7th.  So we'll see how that goes.  I gave her a Christmas card and her birthday card (she counts them and is very proud of them, she makes everyone look at them).  The hospital had gotten her a birthday cake and flowers.  I thought that was really nice.  After a visit, I had to hit the road back to Dallas to get ready for my headshots!

I sped to Dallas and hoped in the shower.  My bestie Lizz was going to be taking my headshots for me tonight at her work.  I am so blessed that someone who is moving across the globe in a week took the time to help me out.  Thank you again Lizz!  So I tried to get all glamorous.  I decided to wear my hair straight because I think I wear it more like that than I do curly.  I arrived at her place of business with my bag full of goodies.  I met all of Lizz's co-workers who all seemed really nice.  Lizz's desk is enormous!  I was kinda jealous of her working girl qualities.  She also has a huge gorilla costume chilling behind her desk.  In case anyone needs it.

She took me back to the studio and I showed her all my outfit choices.  We decided to go with my blue sweater first since it matched my eyes the best.  After I got dressed, Lizz put some more make-up on me.  I trusted her completely.  She tried to put lipstick on me which was really awkward because: a. I'm really awkward and b. I don't seem to have an upper lip.  So she told me when we don't have lips, we make lips.  Business talk.

After I was all beautified, Lizz made me jump around the 'stage' to warm up.  Here is what happened:

I am an idiot.

Out of the 400ish pictures we took, Lizz chose the best 50 for me to choose from.  Jeez she's a good friend.  Some of them were smiling and cute, some serious and ugly and others just funny and idiotic.  However, the 'sexy' ones did not go very well.  Every time Lizz would say, "Ok, sexy".  I would do my best to be sexy.  And Lizz would drop the camera, laughing her ass off.  So that was a real confidence booster.  At one point she even said to me, "less eyebrows".  And rightly so.  I was just trying to make my forehead seem not so enormous.  

Here are the best of each genre:

Smiling

Serious

Sexy?

(Insert laughter here)

I was wearing two other different outfits but this shirt seemed to work best for me.  

I also thought these would be funny to just pass out to people I meet in the streets of New York:

I was doing the Deb pose on the right from Napoleon Dynamite.  Nailed it.

After our photo shoot, we headed back to Lizz's apartment where I bought us dinner (least I could do for all her hard work).  Lizz's last day of work was that next day and she was leaving for Austin on Friday, then Tokyo January 2nd!  So suffice to say she had a lot going on.  We watched Jeff Bridges' SNL gig and didn't laugh much.  Except for on Weekend Update when a holiday message was given by my three favorite impersonations done my Fred Armisen (Governor David Patterson), Bill Hader (Stefan) and Bobby Moynihan (Snooki). Shit's funny.

After a little hanging out, we said our emotional goodbye and I headed back to my sisters.  Time to call it a night.

Thursday, December 23

I was going to drive down to Austin for the day/night but since all my Austinite friends had Christmas family plans, I bailed.  I didn't want to be intrusive.  Instead I stayed in DFW area and made lunch plans with an old college friend Jessica.  Jessica was Kellen's freshman roommate and after I met her, I made her become friends with me.  So she had no choice in the matter.  She now works with some big wigs in Dallas CPA'ing.  We went to Freebirds because I had been craving it ever since I landed in DFW.   She bought me lunch secretively and I threatened to run her over in my grandmother's Buick.  We ate our burrito's and caught up on life.  It was so nice to see an old College Station friend!  Love her!

After lunch, I headed to Fort Worth to visit my grandmother.  She was looking better but it hurt to watch her do her physical therapy since she was in so much pain.  However, this visit turned into a "lets bash Lauren" tirade.  The first thing my mother and grandmother did was tell me about how they met her roommates grandsons.  One of them had just entered college and the other just graduated high school.  They said they were really handsome and wanted me to meet them.  Grand, I'm not hooking up with someone that just graduated high school.  They have to be at least 20 years old.  I have standards.

They started to talk about my grandmother's birthday cards and who sent her one and who didn't.  The people that don't automatically go on the shit list.  Rightly so.  They made some comment about someone   who had sent a card from our Comanche days.  I couldn't remember who they were but it was the person who gave my parents a leash for me when I was little.  That is right ladies and gentlemen.  You are reading the blog of a... leash child.  My parents could not keep up with me so they put me on a fucking leash like a dog.  For several years.  I hope you are slowly putting together the pieces of why I'm so weird.

My sister finally arrived to visit my grandmother.  I thought this would lay off some of the heat on me.  Boy, was I wrong.  My sister got my grandmother a pin for her shirt that said '99' on it.  So instead of just yelling at strangers about her age, she can just point to her collar instead.  My grandmother's roommates daughter and husband arrived.  My mother introduced my sister and then pointed to me and said, "And that's my unmarried daughter".  Ouch.

Later in the conversation, my mom brought up how she had read a story on how breastfed babies were scientifically proven to be smarter.  My grandmother replied, "So Lauren wasn't breastfed?".  Double ouch.  I don't cuss too much in front of my grandmother but I replied with, "Well shit Grand".  Not only am I unmarried, I'm a dumbass to boot.  Everybody started laughing and when my grandmother realized what she had done, she started laughing so hard, she was in a lot of pain.  I'm always here for other peoples entertainment.  My mother keeps on reassuring me that she loves how I'm not married and likes how I am very choosy when it comes to men.  I tell her she should be because I could be married to someone like Pauly Shore by now if I weren't.

After this beating, I left to go to Lake Worth to visit my friend Lauren while she was working.  It was a brief visit since she was busy but really good to see her!  I then made my way to Euless to visit Darrelyn at the cigar bar.  I stopped into Target first and got some last minute shopping out of the way.  The store wasn't as crazy as I expected and I did not have to wait a long time in line at all.  Thank goodness.  Because crowds make me suicidal.  Crowds, escalators and large dogs.  Lauren's phobias.

I sat at the tiny bar of the cigar bar and made Darrelyn talk to me.  I sat by a guy who was one of her regulars.  Well let me restate.  Everyone that comes into the bar is a regular.  We chit chatted for a while but I think I scared him.  I called an action he did gross and he didn't understand me.  He was like "Why is that gross?"  And I said, "It just is.  It's one of my sayings.  Just ask Darrelyn".  Darrelyn nodded her head and he replied with "I don't get it".  You don't have to get it.  99% of what I say, people don't understand.  Don't be so hard on yourself buddy.

After some chit chat, I headed over to Dallas to meet up with my friend Stephanie.  We went to our old haunt Ozona.  Well the Dallas version anyway.  It is never the same as College Station and the employees there are generally rude, we still go there anyway to make ourselves feel better.  We caught up on life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness.  After a while, we decided to head to her friend's house to hang out because he lived nearby.  One of the residents of the house worked at the Carino's in College Station but he was past my time.  We just hung out and they showed me there Christmas decorations.  It consisted of a cardboard cut-out of a fireplace on one of there walls.  Oh a house full of college aged guys.  Later a guy arrived that I actually did work with at Carino's.  I asked him if he remembered me and he said of course!  Well, his exact words were, "Ya!  We floated the river together and I puked the entire way down the river!"  And then he re-enacted it, minus actually vomitting.  Oh, college.  I decided to call it a night because I was getting in one of my sad moods.  It was so great to hang out with Stephanie though, I miss her sooooo much!  I went back to my sisters and called it a night.

"Hey, you'll be happy to know that as soon as you left, I popped your daughter's trunk!"

-Crawl played by Pauly Shore in Son in Law

Chili's & Drama

Monday, December 20

Sunday night my ole Chili's friends Darrelyn & Eric made plans to meet for lunch on Monday.  We decided on Gloria's which is off of West 7th Street in Fort Worth.  So I got ready and hoped in the Buick, headed to Fort Worth.  I drove up and down 7th a few times not seeing the restaurant.  However, I did see  a Chuy's (it's new) and got really distracted.  I almost wanted to go inside and just not tell Darrelyn or Eric so I could focus on eating.  I fucking love that place.

With some guidance from Darrelyn, I found Gloria's.  I ran at Darrelyn when I saw her and tried not to tackle her.  Darrelyn is my outspoken, country friend and I love every single thing about her.  She gives me great advice and I know I can always count on her for ANYTHING!  How many friends can you say that about?  Well, I have a few and am so thankful for them.

We walked in to find Eric at the bar.  It was drinking time.  We spent the next couple hours catching up and drinking.  Oh ya, we had lunch too.  Carlos attempted to take care of us but that was hard when we were very distracted with each others conversation but also were distracted when our drinks would be empty with no Carlos in sight.  After drinks, we decided to head to our native Chili's and cause destruction.  

I made it to Chili's and met up with some of my old co-workers.  My Chili's friend Michaela and her husband Chad met us up there.  After a few drinks, Eric left Darrelyn and I to more destruction.  We headed to Euless to a bar called 'Chill' that was nearby her house.  'Chill' was just that.  Boring.  So after one beer, we called it a night.  I tried to spend the night with Darrelyn but I couldn't sleep.  Insomniac to the core.  So I headed back to Dallas to spend the night at my sisters.  Interesting night.

Tuesday, December 21

I woke up early to go meet Kim to pick up my camera.  I met her at the Starbucks by the SMU campus. I was there early and sat in the Buick waiting on her.  She arrived and called me asking where I was.  I told her that I was sitting in my grandmother's Buick and that it was really embarrassing.  She replied with, "Oh, I'm right next to you!"  I look over and this drop dead gorgeous girl gets out of her Lexus.  Hi Lexus, meet Buick.  She was also dressed really cute for work while I had one my jeans and t-shirt with no make-up.  She was super sweet and I insisted on buying her coffee.  I told her how big of a train wreck I was and thanks so much for meeting me.  She couldn't of been nicer, I am so thankful that she picked up my camera and called the bar.  I thanked her 1000 times.  I was probably an annoying shit show.  We departed Starbucks in our respected vehicles.  I went back to my sisters to prepare for the day.

Today was supposed to be filled with walkers and cake.  It was my grandmother's 99th birthday.  That's right kids.  99.  We were having a family get together at my mother's house in Fort Worth to celebrate.  Hicks and cake. I'm there.  I'm sleeping the morning away since I did not get much sleep the night before.  My mother called me and left a message.  I listened to it when I woke up and it was my mother in a panic.  Apparently Grand had fell and they were on there way to the emergency room.  I felt terrible that I had missed her call.  I called her back immediately to get the details.  Mom was at the hospital and Grand had not broken her hip.  Great news to me!  However, she was still in a lot of pain so they were going to do more tests.  Turns out, my grandmother was trying to take off her house shoes standing up. Cause she thinks she is a 99 year old Olympian.  This is coming from a woman who refuses to use a walker because it makes her look old.  Later that day, we found out that she had fractured her pelvic bone when she fell.  So they sent her to a rehabilitation part of the hospital.  Not Lindsay Lohan rehab but old people rehab.

So the dinner shennangians were off.  I was already headed to Fort Worth so I went to my mothers house to riffle through some of my old stuff.  Darrelyn and I decided to go to Boston's because it was $2 you call it night.  $2 make you holllllaaaaaa.  I was sitting in the garage looking through old pictures when my cousin and her family rolled up.  They were picking up some of my grandmother's stuff and headed over to the rehab facility.  Darrelyn arrived not to long after.  My cousin informed me that during the initial panic, my mother called her and asked her what to do.  My cousin told her to call an ambulance and my mother asked how to do that.  My cousin replied, "911."  I am beginning to understand where I get my anxious retardation from...

After I had finished going through my stuff, Darrelyn and I headed to Boston's.  We sat at a table in the bar and it wasn't too busy when we arrived.  We ordered pizza and beer.  Classy ladies.

  

After a while, the bar began to really pack up.  With weirdos.  There were two different types of people in the bar.  The older people who dressed awkwardly and drank way too much.  And then the kids who did not look like they were 21 and wearing outfits that they had bought off of the Emo channel.  

Here is an example of one douchebag who looked like he was in his late 30s, wearing a puka shell necklace, Affliction shirt and blonde tips in his spikey hair.  Yuck.

Picture #1

Picture #2

I'm almost positive he had some form of awful facial hair and one earring to match.  Double gross.  In between these two pictures, he noticed that I was taking pictures so he posed like a tard.  I pretended not to notice him like I was really texting or something and he got really awkward and looked away.  Haha, I win!  You're officially an idiot.  Go hit on a 19 year old.

The bar got jam packed and miserable.  Our server disappeared for 30 minutes at a time.  I knew she was really busy but still.  It blew.  Darrelyn took me back to my mother's where I spent the night.  Even though it was a super busy night filled with gay guys in puka shell necklaces and Emo gangs, it was nice spending time with Darrelyn.  Made me realize how much I missed that crazy country hoe.

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up.  If a guy punches you he likes you.  Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.  Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule.  But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs.  How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.  And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe...it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future.  Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on.  Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

-Gigi Phillips played by Ginnifer Goodwin in He's Just Not That Into You

NYC Christmas

I know this is a bit out of order but I totally forgot to blog about it.  Its a combination of me being senile and, well, senile.  It's Katy & my trip to New York City on December 8th!  I have always wanted to see New York City during Christmas time and this was my chance.  Katy and I got up early and drove to the train station in Princeton.  We found a parking spot where I proceeded to hit the car parked next to us.  Perfect way to start out the day.  Katy was freaking out with hand covering her mouth and I told her to stop because she was freaking me out.  I got out and looked at the cars.  I barely touched it and there was no damage to either car.  Thank goodness.  After I tried to use the restroom in the convenience store (don't ask), we hopped the train to NYC.  I have ridden the train several times now.  But my heightened anxiety is still at a 200%.  I am constantly paranoid that we are going to miss our stop.  I can't help it.  I'm a freak.

We got to the Penn Station stop and hopped off.  We made our stop.  Whew.  We walked out to Madison Square Garden.  Fantasia was playing there that night.  I'll pass.  We walked to Rockefeller Center, passing Radio City Music Hall and made it to 30 Rock to see the tree and skating rink.  Some nice cop offered to take our picture:

Yes, She wore those ear muffs all day.

We then walked over to the skating rink to people watch.  Here we spotted Michelle Kwan:

Well, not Michelle Kwan but an Asian lady who thought she was an Olympic skater.  She was in her own world.  Doing spins and lots of arm movements.  Katy and I watched her for 10 minutes.  Literally.  

We then walked the line of shops where we did a lot of window shopping.  

Here is a cool view of the tree:

I got pretty annoyed taking these shots.  I wanted the perfect shot.  And people (bitches) kept getting in my way.  Like this whore to the left.  I ended up getting really annoyed and stomping off.  Katy kept yelling at me that she would take my picture with no other hoes in it.  But I made a scene and walked off, leaving her.  She finally caught up to me and told me I was ridiculous.  I know I'm a stubborn bitch.  Wonder where I get that from...  Thanks mom.

We then made our way to FAO Schwartz.  I wanted to get something for my niece for Christmas.  All the nice high-end stores were decorated super cute.

Huge red bow hugging Cartier.

We also went into Tiffany's.  I pretended I was Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama while Katy looked around at the jewels.  We immediately went to the second floor.  The Engagement Ring Level.  Where I made a point to look at every fucking ring in that room.  I picked my top favorites and made sure Katy knew what I wanted.  Here are my two rules about my future engagement.  First, it's funny of me to even have these rules because I know I probably never will get married.  That's why these rules are so ridiculous.  Rule #1.  The ring has to be larger than 3 carats or you shouldn't be asking me.  Rule #2.  If you don't know what I want in an engagement ring, then you definitely should not be asking.  So get away from me.  

The fifth floor of Tiffany's was the office part of the building.  Katy was intrigued and wanted to go there, just to see what happens.  She asked a worker and he recommended against our idea.  So we decided to head back downstairs and out of there before I started crying hysterically.

We made it to FAO Schwartz where we headed towards the escalator to go upstairs.  Fucking escalators.  I'm such a nervous wreck on them.  Anyway, to the left of the top of the escalator is the Harry Potter section.  We were going to take a ridiculous pic and send it to Keri to remind her of our Harry Potter 2010 trip the previous month.  However, when we get there this dude goes "Can I get a volunteer?"  And before I knew it, Katy's hand shot up.  A crowd of people started to gather.  He put a tie around her neck and said he was going to do an experiment.

He put the Griffindor tie around her neck and rolled it up, putting each side under her chin where she had to hold it.  He made a lot of gay jokes in between doing this.  I guess to keep the crowd entertained.  If Katy had not of been the volunteer, it would of made me head straight for the Star Wars collection.  

Here is a better view of what was happening.

He asked the crowd and Katy - which side of the tie (the larger or smaller side) would fall faster.  Everyone made there bets.  He told Katy to release her neck and then he quickly announced "It's a tie".  

Gay.

Thank you for wasting 10 minutes of my life.

As the crowd dispersed moaning, I made Katy take our cool Harry Potter picture:

Yup, I'm wearing the Quidditch helmet hat.  SHOUT OUT TO KERI!!!

Griffindor is #1.  I'm Ron.  But with long hair.  And I'm a girl.

After I made my purchase for Cate (I got her a stuffed polar bear so she could have a Poley of her own), we made our way to Central Park to eat our lunch we packed.  We initially wanted to take a carriage ride around Central Park while we ate our lunches.  I had one request.  Our 'driver' had to be wearing a top hat and he had to look like Kenny Rogers.  It turns out we had a couple of choices.  However, they wanted us to pay like $40ish to ride.  We said 'no thanks' and walked into the park.  Our lunch consisted of ham sandwiches, yogurt, and apples (which I could not eat cause of my fake teeth).  I looked up and saw this strange couple turning the corner:

I said "Quick Katy! Elmo and Big Bird are on the loose!"  I made her sprint with me to catch up to them.  No one was with them.  They were just strolling through Central Park.  Someone from Sesame Street must of let them out of their respective cages.

They almost seemed despondent and lonely.  They weren't talking to each other or noticing anyone around them.  They were just walking along the path.  Angry, terrified, sad and alone.  Stay away from razors and nooses.

LOVE

We sat down at a bench and ate our lunch.  However, it was FREEZING.  The wind in NYC made is so much more chilly and miserable.  We ate our lunch quick and headed towards Macy's.  We made a stop inside The Plaza because neither of us had actually been inside of it before.  I wanted to ask the front desk where the homage to Home Alone 2: Lost in New York was.  But decided that I did not want to get kicked out.  

Here is the tree in the front lobby.  

The lobby area.  I cannot wait to have my own house with ridiculous chandeliers.  Gorgeous.  I wish to some day to actually stay at The Plaza.  Maybe when I finally break down and realize that my relationships are worthless and go the sugar-daddy route.  Fingers crossed.

We went downstairs to check out the shopping area.  Another escalator.  Frick frick.  The downstairs was filled with designer shops, a restaurant and coffee shop.  After we realized we couldn't afford anything there, we made our way back upstairs to the exit.  Back to the freezing weather.  We walked to Macy's.  There were lots of weirdos outside of Macy's.  One Queen stopped us and asked us how long we were going to be in NYC because my hair was fabulous.  I told him/her only for a couple more hours.  He said he was a stylist and wanted to do my hair.  He called us fabulous and went for his next victim.  Queens only want me for my hair.

The windows of Macy's were filled with a different Christmas story that moved and made noises.  It was really cool but too many people were standing around and it made me nervous.  So, I quickly went inside.

The inside of Macy's was gorgeous!  I wish I could of done some real shopping but being destitute makes that an obstacle.  We went upstairs to the women's section.  Escalator again.  DAMMIT.

After some looking around, we found a couch to take a much needed break on.  Three older ladies were trying on ridiculous things and asking each other their thoughts.  And by ridiculous, I mean cashmere sweaters with beads on them.  Old lady style.  It seemed a good time for me to have a panic attack, so I had one.  Poor Katy just sat there listening to me talk about how I'm so stressed and poor.  She is so sweet to listen and give me advice/reassurance.  I don't know what I would do without her.  I wish I wasn't such an emotional wreck all the time but it's embedded in my blood.  So after a 30-45 minute break of me crying on and off, we decided to hit the road again.  

We made our way to Bryant Park to check out the shops and tree.

The park was cute with different shops.  I made the comment to Katy about hoping to see Heidi Klum there.  She looked at me confused and said she didn't know what the hell I was talking about.  I informed her that Bryant Park is where they film the finale of Project Runway every season (well, most seasons).  Again, me filled with useless information.

I loved that the Bryant Park tree was blue themed.  Since blue is my favorite color.  The skating rink was closed because they were cleaning it.  So no good people watching opportunities.  Or Michelle Kwan act-alikes.  No sightings of Klum either.  Or Seal.

We then made our way to NYC's Public Library because neither of us have been there before.  

Get out of my photo Asian.

They of course were cleaning it, so my pictures are not as great as I wanted them to be.

There was a group of black guys in front doing some terrible dance moves.  I quickly lost interest as Katy looked on.  No, I don't want to see your Michael Jackson impersonation during his Free Willy stage.  I'm good.

Gorgeous decorations in the Library.

Here is the staircase where Carrie found out that Mr. Big had stood her up on their wedding day.

We went upstairs to the two main library rooms.  Here is a quote on top of one of the doors that I loved:

Beautiful ceiling decor.  I could live here.

After our stay at the library, we headed to Times Square.  We found a bar where we decided to have a couple drinks.  We brainstormed our next move.  I texted my contacts (who were all at their respective work Christmas parties that night) asking them for ideas of what to do.  The Knicks weren't playing that night so that was out.  Fallon and Letterman were out since you had to get tickets months in advance.  So we decided to just drink.  So a 'couple drinks' turned into a 1000.  We ended up eating at this bar.  This family was sitting a couple tables away from us.  They had there 9 year old daughter with them.  In a bar.  She decided to turn it into a dance party.  If found myself acting like a pediphile, watching her in astonishment.  I felt bad for staring but I was starting to buzz and this family was letting their daughter frolick around this bar like she was in the movie Bring It On.  After a good 30 minutes of cheerleader dancing, her parents finally took her home.  

A couple guys were playing Golf Tee next to us.  The young one approached us and offered to buy us drinks/shots.  Yes please, buy me whatever.  I love free stuff.  

He was a true New Yorker.  Accent.  Gold chain necklace.  Facial hair.  Guido attitude.  Gel in his hair.

Perfect. 

We told him that we were from Texas and had to head back to Philly in an hour or so.  Katy proceeded to tell him that I had two warrants out for me in Texas.  One of which was for indecent exposure because I'm a recurring streaker.  And that I have a problem with keeping my clothes on.  Especially after drinking.  So he thought highly of us.

Katy and I began to take glamour shots of ourselves.  We tried to teach NY Guido about 'ugly' photos.  He didn't understand why we would try or want to take photos of us being ugly.  We said it was a Texas thing.  Here is a selection of the 20 we actually took:

I'm a big fan of biting my lip.

#1 roomie!

After we decided that we should try to be conscious to get back to Philly, we headed back to Rockefeller Center to see the tree at night.  

The building across from 30 Rock was having a light show on the building with music to match:

Not sober enough to remember to take off my glasses. 

Well it wasn't my snowy NYC Christmas that I envisioned but I had an amazing time.  So I can check this trip off my bucket list.  Thank you Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicolson.  

We headed back to Penn Station to hop on a train back to Philly.  However, we get there and all the New Jersey transit has been re-routed to one place.  The station was filled with police.  A lot of people were asking them questions and they said they could not release any information.  Katy thought it was a bomb threat.  I dropped my purse at one point and yelled "SOMEONE TAKE ME BACK TO PHILADELPHIA".  Some cops looked at me strangely.  Calm down anxiety ridden Lauren.  Don't get a PI.  There was a lot of confusion with this train mess.  One guy told a police officer how he was not fucking doing anything and to suck his dick.  I was astonished.  New York people have huge testicles.

We made our way to the central part of the station with a million other people who were trying to make their trains.  After 20 minutes, they finally told us where our train would be leaving from so we rushed to get there.  Thank goodness Katy was there.  Otherwise, I would of been an emotional wreck.  We sat by this couple who had come to the city to watch a show.  They saw Rain (The Beatles musical) and they highly recommended it.  I really want to see a show next time I'm in town.   We acted like jackasses cause we were still drunk.  They thought we were funny and ridiculous.  A guy across from us was listening in our conversation and heard that we were Aggies.  He did the "I'm sorry" spiel which never gets old.  Not.  We talked about football and how Texas had a hard time this year.  I made the comment about how I was not a Mack Brown fan into which this guy replied "Actually, Mack is a close personal friend".  I'm out.

He gave his two cents on how Mack Brown's a wonderful guy and does lots of charity work.  I asked for a trash can to vomit in.

After this guy got off, Katy got a phone call.  So I watched her not talk during this conversation for 30 minutes:

As you can see, it looks like she was asleep.  So I immediately became paranoid that we were going to miss our stop in Princeton.  I kept looking outside in panic mode.  Not gonna lie, I started to sweat.  After asking the train guy a million times when our stop was, he finally added to our humor.  I told him that Katy shoplifts and to keep an eye on her.  He asked us back to the train because apparently they are starting a new reality show about the New York/Jersey train system and he was going to be a character on it.  He thought we would be perfect on it.  Sign me up.

We finally arrived in Princeton and hopped off the train.  After being a little confused where our car was, we finally found it and made our way back to Glenside.  We made it home and hit the sack.  Operation NYC Christmas was a success.  I cannot wait to make trips to NYC more of an occurrence.   It was a wonderful trip with a fabulous roommate.  Love you Katy!

"Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours."

-Mr. Big played by Chris Noth in Sex and the City