Shayla's Philadelphia Trip - Day 1

Last Saturday I got to pick up the bestest best friend ever from the airport!!!!  Shayla arrived around 11:30 am and I decided to park to give her a real warm and friendly attack by baggage claim.  I got there a little early so I decided to use the restroom.  I was walking a few steps behind a woman who was going to the restroom as well but was headed into the men's room.  I tried to warn her but she just went in.  Oh well, welcome to Philadelphia.  I glanced around the visitors brochures for ideas of what to do with our two days.  What to do?  Both days doing all the historical stuff or to sit around the house without pants eating ice cream and watching movies?    Well, little of both then.

Got a call from Shayla saying that she was headed my way.  I sat there looking at the people around me noticing that most of them were holding signs for there passengers.  So I decided to join.  I dove into my gigantic purse (no exaggeration, I keep my wallet, sunglasses, phone, iPod, lip accessories, eye wash, mail, 2 server books, pens, server apron, book, & camera inside it) for paper and pen to write my sign on.  I wrote STEPP-FRIESEN on it in large letters.  Including the 'Stepp' part for hilarity reasons.

(*Note: This moment was later re-enacted outside the Liberty Bell)

After a couple minutes, we locked eyes and I ATTACKED.  I ran at her at a kind of retarded skip and then went for the full embrace.  Not gonna lie, started to tear up.  I could not be more excited that my best friend came all the way to PA to visit me!  Shayla informed me that they didn't even give her peanuts on the flight so she was starving.  We headed to find my car to begin our journey.  Got to the car ok but managed to not understand parking garages.  Took a few wrong turns because this certain parking garage was budgeting there EXIT signs.  Suffice to say, couldn't figure out how to fucking exit.

Made our way downtown.  After 30 minutes of me not being able to find it, we finally arrived at Reading Terminal Market.  We walked around a while until we finally decided on Chinese.  I decided to cheat on the diet this one time.  Well, day.  Well, two days.  Frick.

After lunch, we headed towards the Historical area.  Arrived behind Independence Hall in the park area.  Took a view glamour shots before we made our way to the front to go through security to get to the Constitution.  It took them a few minutes to go through my luggage AKA purse.  Tickets were already sold out when we got there around 1:30pm.  This is the second time that I've almost seen the Constitution.  I'm started to think it is a conspiracy.  I find myself wanting to blame Nicolas Cage for some reason...

This story probably explains why.  We were in the Great Essentials wing of Independence Hall.  The Great Essentials room houses copies of the Constitution, Declaration of Independence & Articles of Confederation.  While touring around the wing, this woman in stripes

proceeds to ask the guard/information guy if that is the same Declaration of Independence that Nicolas Cage stole.  When the guard proceeded to, in more words or less, make fun of her, she began to defend her question loudly.  I turned to Shayla and said, "I got to get out of here."  Yes, people like her exist.  Everywhere.  Frightening, isn't it?

Before we left Independence Hall, I decided to make Shayla take this picture next to the line for the Constitution:

Afterwards, I noticed the people in line staring at me.  So I responded with, "I'm taking a picture of her almost seeing the Constitution.  That's why she came up here."  Moving on.

Then we made our way across the street to see the Liberty Bell.  We walked through the introductory museum area.  I noticed that it was separated into time periods (revolutionary beginnings, Civil War, Civil Rights, women's suffrage, etc.)  And for each time period it said, "The Liberty Bell means...".  And it changed for each period.  Whoa, this bell has a lot of power.

It's cracked.

There was this couple taking kissy pictures in front of the bell.  I was like - are these people trying to bring sexyback to the bell?  I thought that was really funny and repeated it throughout the day.  Also, another dude was leaning over the railing taking pictures from the bottom of the bell.  I exclaimed that this fool was feeling frisky with the bell.  You know, looking up her skirt.  

I'm going into comedy.

Shayla and I paused outside the Liberty Bell building for some glamour shots.

Normal.

Not so normal.

And on down historical lane we went.  We traveled to the Independence Hall Visitor Center, Constitution Center & Benjamin Franklin's (BF) grave.  After giving a shout out to BF, we made our way to Betsy Ross' House.  I warned Shayla that there wasn't a lot to see at Betsy's casa.  You walk in the gift shop and can purchase a ticket for the tour.  I have managed to fight the system by instead of actually buying a ticket, you simply lean over the railing to look at the rest of her house.  Cause it's tiny.  They sell a lot of interesting stuff at Betsy's gift shop.  Like little bottle cap magnets that say things like 'America Rocks' on it or t-shirts that say BRH on it.  

"Hey dude, cool t-shirt.  What does BRH stand for?" 

"Betsy Ross' House." 

"Sick."

This is the fountain outside BRH.  It has kitties.  So I did what any normal person would do.

I petted the kitties and made loud, obnoxious cat noises.

We made our way to Elfreth's Alley and then back towards Independence Hall to check out the banks near by.  After that we walked back to my car and I gave her my personal driving tour of the rest of downtown.  We went to South Street, Rittenhouse Square and the Avenue of the Arts.  South Street was bumpin' because it was a Phillies play off game that day.  There were a lot of fans and freaks making there way around town.  Outside the comic shop, I witnessed this:

Yup, a few men were in capes light saber fighting.  However, only one of them was up to my standards costume wise.  I'll probably go back there later to cruise for dudes.

We made our way back to Glenside where we decided to go out to eat for dinner.  We chose a place called Earth Bread & Brewery that Jonathan & Katy have been wanting me to try.  The food was good but we had the worst service ever.  Apparently, I slept with her boyfriend and don't remember it.  Oh well, luckily Shayla & I are used to shit like this happening to us.  There is nothing worse than being a server and getting bad service.  Somehow, I still wanted to blame Nicolas Cage.

We got ready for bed and snuggled in my bed.  Shayla put on 100 pounds of warmth because she was freezing.  I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt.  We rented It's Complicated because I was in the mood for something comical and I had heard good things about it.  If you haven't seen it, rent it now.  You cannot go any longer in life if you haven't seen Alec Baldwin post-sex grabbing/cupping Meryl Streep's crouch saying "Home Sweet Home."  Perfect.  I can die now.  Alec Baldwin brought up past memories of our youth.  When we were little, my Ken doll was always named Alec Baldwin because I was obsessed with him.  When I was in primary school.  It was Alec Baldwin in a sea of Days of our Lives soap opera barbies.  I would re-create the show's happenings.  Shayla & I would call it a day, then re-set for the next days continuance.  Normal.

Sexy.

"It reminds me of the heady days of Sputnik and Yuri Gagarin when the world trembled at the sound of our rockets.  Now they will tremble again - at the sound of our silence.  The order is: engage the silent drive."

-Captain Marko Ramius played by Sean Connery in The Hunt for Red October

You thought it was going to be a Nicolas Cage movie quote, DIDN'T YOU?!?  Well guess what, it will NEVER be.  Because he is TERRIBLE.  And he STEALS SHIT.

Weather Change, Friends n Marriage

The weather here has changed which means Fall is here!  The leaves are changing which is gorgeous.  Also the temperature has dropped which is really great in aiding in my hot flashes.  They seem less severe.

The first cold day was last Tuesday.  That day I got to see one of my old friends Eli.  He and a friend were driving from Richmond up the eastern roads through Baltimore, Philly, NYC then to Eli's home in New Hampshire.  They were nice enough to stop in Philly to have lunch so I could meet up with them.  It was really nice seeing an old friend.  You know things are good when you talk like no time has passed.

After a brief lunch at Tony Luke's which is downtown, Eli & company hit the road in there rented Impala.  Bawlin'.

And a very special shout out to two wonderful best friends that got engaged recently!!  I am so happy for you both!!  YAY MARRIAGE!!!  Please don't make me wear orange or yellow.

"Anything?  Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused.  I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy.  I don't feel different.  I mean, take yesterday for example.  We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely.  And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be.  Her panties.  Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants.  But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong.  Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about.  You know, and uh, and I started feeling.... what?  What I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?"

-Frank Ricard played by Will Ferrell in Old School

How to Quit a Job

Hello blog family, sorry I haven't updated in a while.  Nothing really exciting has happened but a few minor adjustments here and there.  As I stated below, I put in my two weeks at the Fox.  My GM found out and I noticed he was ignoring me.  I eventually approached him and asked him if he was mad at me for putting my two weeks in.  He responded with, "No. I tend to not get close to anyone anymore.  You have to play in the big leagues to work downtown." To which I replied saying, "Ummmmmmm ok."  I guess being in the big leagues means doing drugs, boning everybody and making no money.  I'm really sad I missed out on that.

So on to bigger and better things...  I hope.  Katy Anne got me a job at Texas Roadhouse in Montgomeryville (which is about 20 miles from the casa).   The people there are really nice.  A variety of interesting individuals.  Lets just say I have competition for being the weirdest person there.  Me.  Competition?  What?

There is a guy there who is a shit show to the fullest extent.  He performs in a drag show and his stage name is 'Britney Queers'.  He is suffice to say in love with Britney Spears, Zac Efron & Justin Bieber.  So he's straight.  NOT.  I love me some gays.

There is a bartender there that I constantly feel is raping me with his eyes.  So that's nice.

But other than that, working there is good.  They are a reallyyyyyy slow store so that sucks.  Also,  they are not open until 4 pm Monday-Friday.  So I'm trying to get another job for the mornings.  Any ideas?  Remember, I'm trying to stay off the pole people.

And on an awesome note, I have officially finished reading all of the Harry Potter books.  This done mainly in preparation for Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 1 movie, opening November 19th.  Which I'm super stoked about.  And by stoked I mean that I had a dream last night that I was Hermione Granger living in my Comanche house.  I was involved in a battle in my vast backyard but could not fight back because my wand turned out to be a golf tee.  I tried to get wand help inside my house but it turned out that Magic Johnson was my dad.  And let's face it, he hasn't engaged in any magic since the early 80's.

Golf Tee

"It is not our abilities that show what we truly are.  It is our choices."

-Professor Albus Dumbledore played by Richard Harris in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

UPDATE

Joaquin will be on Letterman again Sept. 22.  Tune your tv's to CBS.  Thanks and Gig em.

Oh and this: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/17/movies/17affleck.html?_r=3&src=tptw

Welcome to the Thunderdome, Bitch

There have been some interesting developments at the Fox.  I put in my two weeks last weekend.  The gas and parking is not worth driving all the way downtown for.  Especially since the tips are not that great. Also, I forgot how much I hate working with mainly women.  Women are toddlers.  They constantly bitch about nothing.  It's exhausting.

So I got another job.  I'll tell you more about it once I have gone through training.  It is closer and the money flow will be more consistent.  I'm excited about it, I hope everything turns out for the best.

Here are a few fun stories from my short time at the Fox:

When I was going through training, I grabbed a drink from the ice/soda area.  This area is also the hang out area for all the servers.  I was getting ice when someone asked me, "Is that drink for you or for a table?"  I said it was for me and they responded with "DON'T USE THE ICE."  I was startled and just stared at her.  Continuing to stare at her, I turned my glass over and emptied it, asking no questions.  People were just staring at me when someone finally said, "There are worms in the ice."   Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, ok.   So suffice to say, I have not personally enjoyed the ice there.  It reminded me of a story told to me by a friend.  She was in the drive through of Taco Bell and ordered a burrito.  The Taco Bell worker told her that they could not make that because their bean tube was backed up.  Bean tubes and ice worms.  The things you would rather not know about the food and drink you ingest.

I have met some interesting people as you can imagine.  I was standing by the front door and some older guy (50s/60s) came in with a large wood piece, much like a carpenter's square, that looked like it was used in an architecture class.  We paid no attention to him when he came over and said, "Can you check my wood?"  Two other girls and I just stood stunned and responded with dead boner-less silence.  When his joke epically failed, he just walked into the restaurant and sat himself.

I also had one of the worst tables I have ever had in my life a couple weeks ago.  This guy is known by all the servers as a jackass who doesn't order hardly anything and just sits at your table for hours to watch the UFC fights.  He and his 'girlfriend' arrived at 5:30 pm (they started charging the cover for the fight at 6) and sat in my section.  All the servers immediately warned me about him and said to get a credit card from him to pre-authorize because he has walked out on a server before.  Great. Perfect.  Cannot wait.  I walked over and they didn't order anything.  They sat there for about 30 minutes before they ordered a cup of ice and a side of french fries.  I asked for a credit card and they said they didn't have one.  I asked for an ID that I could hold and they said they didn't have one.  They said they had cash and I said whatever and walked off.  This is going to be a long night.  As I was waiting for their fucking french fries, a server who was my section buddy came over and had a story for me.  She said that a neighboring table ordered drinks but she did not grab a credit card from them.  My horrible table called her over and asked her why she didn't get a card from them.  She told them that it is every servers right to ask for credit cards but she hadn't asked one from hers yet because they hadn't ordered food yet.  The jackass then told her that I was a racist.  Cool.  I brought them their fucking french fries, he asked me where I had been and also told me that he complained about me.  I responded with, "Cool man."  I walked off.  They spent the next 7-8 hours at that table ordering nothing.  The 'girlfriend' kept leaving throughout this whole time to run errands.  And by run errands, I mean she would leave multiple times smuggling in items such as nonalcoholic drinks.  At one point, she smuggled in turkey for her boyfriend.  Turkey.  Like lunch meat.  In a sack.  I later found the empty turkey sack under the table.  He didn't even bother destroying the evidence.  It was like seeing a tumbleweed floating through a breeze underneath my table.  After all of this, they still tried to WALK OUT WITHOUT PAYING THEIR $2.47 TAB.   I caught them and he gave me a $5 and told me to keep the change.  It was a bigger tip than I expected.  In summation, these accusatory smuggling bastards who are repeat customers took up one of my tables for almost 8 hours leaving me some change.  Only because I forced them to.

I have been having a lot of trouble with their section system.  For the summer, it has been a sign-up system.  That has changed since we have gotten busier as some managers are writing the sections around 3PM for the night shift.  Everyone goes in at 5PM but, more than once other servers have switched me into the worst section of the restaurant before I have gotten there.  I cannot stand it.  That is another reason why I am leaving.  There was this terrible night of people talking about me behind my back like we are in elementary school on the playground.  They were wondering why the managers were putting me in better sections than them.  Well it is because I am better than them.  At everything.  And prettier.  And sexier.  I also have long red hair which is better than anyone else's.  To top off this night, as I was leaving the parking garage, an ambulance pulled in front of me.  I was wondering what they were doing until I saw a guy dead on the side of the road.  Yup, dead.  He was young and did not really look homeless.  It looked like he had OD'ed or it was alcohol poisoning.  What a bizarre night.  When I got home, I told Jonathan about my horrible night.  When I told him about the dead person, his response was laughter.  I thought that was very odd but to each his own.

Sundays have become really crazy.  There are many Eagles fans but even more Steelers fans which is weird since we are not in Pittsburgh.  However, the Fox is a Steelers bar.  So they were giving a special on IC beer cans.  I had no idea what this was.  So I went and asked a fellow server after the Alley Rally meeting.  She laughed at me and said that it was Iron City beer, a local beer from Pittsburgh.  I love the idea of bars selling canned beer.  Classy.  So I naturally, tried to sell the shit out of it.  I had one table that described it as: "It tastes like piss but it's great".  IC Beer.

The girls I work with are really interesting.  As much as I can't stand there bitching and immaturity, I really have grown to like a few of them.  Also, I like to creep listen to their conversations because they are RIDICULOUS.  Like one girl is a mirror image of Snooki, inside and out, except this girl is prettier.  And taller.  She has the accent, dark brown tan, and she bones any Jersey/South Philly boy that moves.  She even sometimes sports the poof.  I usually spend most of any shift staring at her.  Another girl asked someone if milkshakes cured hangovers.  She says she had heard that from her sister and it had to be true because her sister was an alcoholic.  Sure, why not.

The other night I had an older guy and two other guys.  They were really nice and were interested in me.  One even got my blogspot address and said he would become a follower.  So I'll give him a personal SHOUT OUTTTTTTTTT.  The older guy turned out to be a Benjamin Franklin impersonator.  With a business card.  Yes, these people exist.  I would love to just follow him around for a day to see his many interactions.  He was a shit show to the extreme.  It made my night.  I'm thinking about applying to be his Abigail; but, an Abigail who has red hair, a Southern accent and sounds drunk 24/7.  I've got to stretch my impersonations.

Speaking of drunk history, go to youtube and type in drunk history.  There are many volumes, watch them all.  Disclaimer: their is some random vomiting but it's totally worth it.  Tesla was the electric Jesus.  Enjoy.

This is dedicated to all the people that have told me that I am the Naomi of the workplace.  I fucking hate you guys.

"I hate this fucking place sometimes, you know.  Why the fuck do we need four people on at this time of day, man?  Look at this place, it's fucking dead!  I swear, Dan needs to clean the shit out of his fucking brain sometimes, man.  Fucking asshole.  What are you looking at, fuck-wad?"
-Naomi played by Alanna Ubach in Waiting...

Emmy's 2010

Here is my overview of the Emmy's - the ups and downs of the show and the hits and misses of fashion.  The opening bit was probably the best part of the show.  It starts with Jimmy rolling up to the Emmy's in none other than one of those weirdly small cars that make no sense in life.  He runs into part of the Glee cast standing outside the building informing Jimmy that they will not attend the Emmy's because tickets are too expensive.  Luckily, there is a singing contest to win the money.  And my fav, Chris Colfer, (who plays Kurt) saying, "Oh, it's on bitches".

So, it goes on to say that they need 10 people to compete at 'regionals'.  Along the hallway, they pick up Tina Fey (YES), Kate Gosselin in her Dancing with the Stars apparel (who they obviously deny into the group), Jon Hamm who is being taught dance lessons by none other than Betty White (who says, "back that mutha up" & "What the hell are you looking at?" to Chris), and Jane Lynch as Sue Sylvester (two words: fucking awesome).  After getting slushied, they dance and sing 'Born to Run' down the hallway while picking up Jorge Garcia (Hugo from LOST), and a girl that most people did not know.  Er, let me rephrase.  No one knew who the F she was.  With some research, turns out she is Nina Dobrev from The Vampire Diaries.  Ugh, why not someone else like Amy Poehler or someone from Modern Family or Tom Hanks??  Oh well!  The dancing continues as Joel McHale pops into frame as the beautiful giant funny man we all know and love.  After some dancing and singing, Tim Gunn shows up changing Jimmy into his classic Bruce Springsteen outfit and tells him to make it work.

Now this entire cast of celebs run onto stage with Kate G in tow.  Lord knows she only agreed to it so she would be included in the live show, get a free ticket & gift basket to the Emmy's.  I can only hope it is her last appearance.

Randy Jackson then appears to help Jimmy with his guitar skills.  They finish arms in hair to thunderous applause.  A couple people help Jimmy with his tuxedo jacket as he turns to the crowd breathless to introduce them to the 62nd Primetime Emmy Awards. 

He introduces John Hodgman as the commentator for the Emmy's.  John described himself as a 'good friend and mortal enemy' of Jimmy's.  Most of you know his from The Daily Show or the Mac ads with Justin Long (he's the PC guy).  I really did like his narration throughout the show.  It kept a consistent funny story line going throughout the show with his made up facts about nominees and recipients.  

I really don't like how award shows are trying to be internet-friendly.  Jimmy announcing twitter statements throughout the show was boring and not funny.  Who cares what @momsbasement thinks about Susan Sarandon?

They did good intros for nominees that are not widely known in the viewer community.  Like asking all the nominee's for writing for a comedy when they got their first laugh.  It is a good way to keep the viewers from changing the channel.

Jane Lynch won for Glee for outstanding supporting actress in a comedy!  It was her first win and well deserved.  She has been in the business for many years and is one of the funniest women today.  Check Best in Show or the rest of Christopher Guest mockumentaries if you think I'm lying.  Or her scene stealing part in Role Models.  Stephen Colbert gave her the award which I think was sentimental because they have been friends for years from Second City.

They did a Modern Family video bit.  It was a company guy who was trying to 'improve' the show like adding Stewie from Family Guy, making it 3-D, the gay couple acts straight, killing of Ty Burrell and replacing him with George Clooney.  You know, the norm.

The bit was really funny and successful.  Especially since Modern Family took home the coveted trophy for Outstanding Comedy Series at the end of the show.

A lot of shockers and first time winners at the awards this year:

Comedy:
Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)
Jane Lynch (Glee)
Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory) - really surprised Tony Shalhoub didn't win because he wins all the time - I mean, is Monk still on tv???
Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie) - this was a really tough category but Edie would of been my least favorite

Drama:
Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad) - I'm officially watching Breaking Bad now
Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife)
Brian Cranston (Breaking Bad) - a big part of me was hoping Matthew Fox would of taken this one home
Kyra Sedwick (The Closer)

Miniseries or Movie:
Julia Ormond (Temple Grandin)
David Strathairn (Temple Grandin)
Claire Danes (Temple Grandin)
Al Pacino (You Don't Know Jack)

Best miniseries: The Pacific
Best movie: Temple Grandin
Best Drama: Mad Men
Best Comedy: Modern Family

As you can see - Temple Grandin tore it up.  It is an amazing story and a well told made for TV movie.  If you watched the telecast, you saw the real Temple Grandin there with her mother. It was truly the most touching part of the telecast especially when she joined the team onstage for best movie when everyone had tears in their eyes.  So sweet! Also, I am personally obsessed with HBO.  They put out the best stuff ever!  I would be completely satisfied if TV had one channel - HBO.  Well, HBO and ESPN.

A lot of the telecast could be skipped such as the constant twitter updates, reality awards, or NBC teaming up presenters that are from new shows appearing on NBC in the fall.  Like the two actors from the new show Undercovers.  Virtually unknowns.  Who cares?

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart took away the Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series award AGAIN.  Not to say they don't deserve it, just wish they would give someone else a chance.  Like Conan.  Jimmy only made one punch line with Conan and the NBC debacle.  Which I think was enough.  And since it was aired on NBC, the only joke they would allow.

My favorite award of the night is always the Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Series.  The intro scenes are thought up and filmed by the writers of each show (like Conan, Colbert, Jon Stewart, Dave) and they are always hilarious.  They usually name every person in the show and they're long but HYSTERICAL.  However, they chose to not do that this year to cut time.  Once again, the writers are getting overlooked.  Gay.

Ricky Gervais was a presenter for Outstanding Directing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Series.  He did not let us down comedicly, "Mel Gibson's been through a lot.  Not as much as the Jew's".  He also did the repetitive joke of how all other awards suck except the Golden Globes because it is the only one you can drink at.  So naturally, he had several waiters pass out some brews.  We are all now lovers of Christine Baranski as she pounded hers.

I looked for a photo of Ricky presented at the Emmy's and stumbled on this one.

Forget the fucking Emmy's, oh my god.

George Clooney received the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award which we can all agree is well deserved.  Jewel sang an unrecorded song for the Memoriam which was really beautiful.  But one can't help at just staring at her teeth.  Good god, get that shit fixed and get out of Stephenville, TX!

Lawrence Fishburne presented Outstanding Miniseries and Movie.  When he was up there, all I could think of was how his daughter is doing pornography.  And proud of it.  I have a feeling we'll see more of her in the news...  Ugh.

And Jimmy Fallon introduced Tom Selleck as his dad.  And then ran over and gave him a bear hug.  I thought it was hysterical because I think all of us want Tom Selleck as a dad sometimes.  Well, maybe just his moustache.  

In summation, a lot of hits and misses at the Emmy's.  I think Jimmy did a pretty good job but not as good as Conan or Neil.  But anything is better than when they did the reality hosts thing with Jeff, Heidi, Tom, Howie & Ryan.  Good god that was terrible and painful to watch.  Watch Conan's intro from 2006.  It is the funniest video EVER.  It includes him visiting LOST, The Office, 24, House, South Park & Chris Hanson's To Catch a Predator.  Conebone69.  Enough said.

And now for fashion.  I won't go into depth but here are just a few of my favorites that I wanted to share!  Enjoy!

Claire Danes

Armani Prive

Eva Longoria Parker

Robert Rodriguez

Mariska Hargitay

Vera Wang

Jennifer Carpenter

Oday Shakar

"Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons.  People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away.  We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about."

-Sherri Ann Cabot played by Jennifer Coolidge in Best in Show

Workin n Golfin

Well things are just coming along!  Work at the Fox is slowly picking up which is good.  A fellow co-worker's boyfriend works a few streets down in what is known as the 'gayborhood'.  He makes tons of money working for short periods of time (he's a bartender - no dancing in banana hammocks).  I giggled at the term gayborhood but actually stumbled upon the area a few days ago.  She was not exaggerating.  There are murals everywhere of gay couples.  Which I say yay!  I just think it's funny that the area is actually covered in all things gay.  I mean, why not just get a banner that says: GAY.  I like to get to the point of things.  If women servers made tons of money in that area, I would totally put on my tool belt, cut my hair short and apply at the lesbian bar.  You do what you gotta do for money.  Except I'm not willing to take off my clothes.

Well, not yet.

Another fellow co-worker told me a funny story that happened to her cousin.  The story centers around a person's name.  Now we have all come across our fare share of 'WTF-is-their-name?' moments.  Like Jason Lee's son is named Pilot Inspector.  Shannyn Sossamon's daughter is Audio Science.  Big Boi's son - Bamboo.  Or the classic - Jermaine Jackson's son: Jermajesty.  But this one I recently came across is a top contender.

The cousin is a midwife and was helping this woman give birth.  She glanced at the birth certificate and saw the name 'Le-ah'.  She told the mother, "Leah!  What a great name!"  And the mother immediately got angry and responded with, "It's pronounced Ledashah!"  Suffice to say that things were awkward from then on.  On top of them already pushing a baby out of a vagina.  I'm sketchy on how that all works still.

Last week, Katy had a day off work (which is rare in her case) and she wanted to go golfing.  Yup, golfing.  We'll let me re-phrase.  She wanted Jonathan & one of her co-workers to go golfing, and for her and I to drink and drive golf carts.  So Jonathan and I arranged to be off work as well to go on this adventure.  We got up at 7AM, got ready and headed to the golf course for our tee time at 8:15AM.  I was feeling a little under the weather but tried to get it together.  It was go time.

This was the first time I had met this certain co-worker of Katy's.  And for most of you that know me out there, if you will recall the first time you met me.  Now remember how scared and confused you were?  Well, this poor guy had to ride in a golf cart with me.  All morning.  Listening to my retarded comments that made no sense as I off-roaded around the course trying not to kill us.  I was extremely nervoussssssssssssss because the bridges would look so small and the golf cart so big...  He turned and just stared at me a lot with a blank faces.  Oh well, nice meeting ya.

They looked so dapper out there...  They lasted a few holes before they started to drink with us.

Katy and I hit a couple of balls.  I was not successful at all.  Think Charles Barkley playing golf.

Katy was so helpful. I stayed in the cart.  In the shade.  

Most of you know how I do outdoors.  Third-degree burns for this albino.

This is Katy's "golfing hat".  It was really just a flat cap with a tartan and the symbol 'Guinness' on it. 

She probably got for free at some bar somewhere.  

My facial expresses how I feel about it.  In case you were confused.

We ended our eighteen holes with many empty Tecates and Jonathan winning by one stroke.  It was a ton of fun!  We got home and jumped in the neighbors pool.  Yes, we asked.  Then watched Sixteen Candles (one of my favs!) as we feel asleep for a nap.   Later we got up and went to see The Other Guys at the movie theater.  We smuggled in our candies and drinks because lets face it - thats the ONLY way to go.  Piece of shit movie theaters trying to steal our money.  NOT TODAY.  The Other Guys was ok only because I am obsessed with Will Ferrell.  I expected a more prepared screenplay from Will & Adam McKay.  Especially since I think Mark Wahlberg has a lot of comedy potential.  Well, only when he talks to animals.  Say hi to your mother for me, ok?

Also, was not a big fan of the New York City street scenes (which was a majority of the movie) because they didn't even bother getting extras most of the time.  Instead, people on the streets would just pass by Will & Mark staring and taking photos.  Bizarre.  They should not have made The Other Guys and should have instead had all that money go to finally making Anchorman 2.  Whatever, I don't make the decisions.  But I should.

"Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?"

-Happy Gilmore played by Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore