Living the Dream: Wilmerpenis

I am an avid lover of People Magazine because it keeps me up to date on not just my celebrity friends but "normal" people as well. However, going through the photos of what random celebrities are up to these days, I scanned over a photo that caught my eye. It was of Wilmer Valderrama and his latest girlfriend. It then hit me like a wave of bad perfume. BAM. Why in the world does Wilmer Valderrama date so many women? What in the world do people see in him? Is it as his sexy persona from That '70s Show? (If you didn't note the "sexy persona" sarcasm, please acknowledge it now). Or from...., wait. He literally has not done anything else worth noting. Ever. So again I ask, why Wilmer ladies?

That '70s Show aired in 1998 and his first girlfriend in early '98 was Christina Milian. They only lasted two months. She was 17 and he was 18. Just a couple kids exploring each others ethnicities.

Next on the list was Ms. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Now I could write a completely different blog entry about her relationships. She's been around the block a couple times but that is because she brought bedazzling the vagina mainstream. Thanks, Jennifer. Us girls really want to spice up that area down there with sticky gemstones. Good one.

They dated in late '99. They also partied like it was 1999.

Prince. Anyone?

Third on the list was Mandy Moore. This was Wilmer's first public girlfriend from what I can remember of the early '00's. They dated off and on for two years.

His most publicized girlfriend came next in May 2004. Double L herself, the infamous Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay turned to girls after Wilmer.

She was 17. Ew.

Ashlee Simpson was the chick on Wilmer's arm in January 2005. Wilmer told Howard Stern that she was loud in bed. I wonder if she was lip syncing in bed as well...

Wait, that is not Ashlee.

Here she is. Looks pre-nose job.

I think Avril Lavigne used Wilmer as a rebound after she divorced her punky band husband. It only lasted two months in 2009.

She is still with Brody Jenner. I think they should do an MTV reality show together called Keeping Up With Washed Up Punk Stars. I would TOTALLY watch it. Right after Khloe and Lamar.

Right before I swallow my vomit, next Wilmer dated Demi Lovato from May 2010 to January 2012. I'm sure this relationship helped her depression instead of hurting it. What is up with Wilmer and the youngsters??? Likes 'em in training bras.